The First Annual Reel Stinkers Awards
What I'll be doing in this special article is first listing the top 5 worst films of 2006. Then I will list the "dishonorable mentions", the films that were bad, but not bad enough to make it to the top 5. After that, I will be handing out specific awards to different films in various categories. So, let's all share the pain together as we give one more look back at the films that wasted cinema space this past year, and then hopefully never think of them again.
THE TOP 5 WORST FILMS OF 2006.
5. Material Girls - The popularity of Hillary Duff has always mystified me, but never as much as in this movie. Material Girls is one of the most lame brained and forced comedies to hit the screen this year. It is a film that barely tries for laughs, and doesn't even attempt to ridicule the targets that it is supposed to be focusing on. It is simply an endless series of scenes where Hilary and real life sister Haylie Duff embarrass themselves to no end as they try to play spoiled heiresses, but fail in just about every way. Nothing works in its entire running time, and even Duff's young fans stayed away from this one. 
3. An American Haunting - The lamest horror movie to hit the big screen in 2006 (and trust me, there were a lot of them) was by far An American Haunting, a completely botched attempt to tell a supposedly "true story" about the infamous Bell Witch hauntings. The film was completely repetitive, repeating the exact same scenes over and over to the point that we start looking at our watches more than the screen. It fails to generate even the slightest scares, and eventually decides to forget all about continuity and editing, and just stops making any form of sense during its final moments. Somehow this movie was able to attract some talented actors such as Donald Sutherland and Sissy Spacek. Seeing them in a movie like this is just plain sad, as everyone who enters it deserves better. So does the audience.
2. Date Movie - The parody film genre was once proud, sporting such classics as The Kentucky Fried Movie, Airplane, Top Secret, and The Naked Gun. This movie represents not just the decline of the once revered form of comedy, but the apocalypse. Hands down the most pathetic comedy to limp our way this year, Date Movie is a pathetic satirical take on romantic comedies. The filmmakers often don't even try to parody the movies they're supposed to be making fun of. They simply throw as many movie and pop culture references up on the screen, and expect us to laugh out of familiarity. We wait for the jokes to come, and they seldom do. What's worse, the minds behind this movie are getting a second chance with Epic Movie, a parody of big budget spectacles. My advice to everyone when that movie comes out is to stay home, rent the classics mentioned above, and just laugh yourself silly.
1. Madea's Family Reunion - More than any other movie, Madea's Family Reunion filled me with the feeling that I was watching an absolute, unsalvagable train wreck. A head on-collision between crude, idiotic humor and melodramatic over the top family drama, the movie keeps on switching tone so often and at such breakneck speeds that the audience winds up getting whiplashed. One minute, we're watching some women talking about being stuck in a loveless and abusive relationship, and mere minutes later, we're watching an old man passing thunderous gas numerous times that literally booms over the theater speakers. This is one ugly, awkward, and vile movie that often had me shaking my head in total disbelief of what I was seeing. Throw in the fact that the film's title character is an old woman played by the director in drag in a completely unconvincing wig and make up, and it only adds to the overall tone of "who in their right mind thought this would work". I'd say you have to see it to believe it, but I don't want you to torture yourselves.DISHONORABLE MENTIONS
Grandma's Boy, Hoodwinked, Big Momma's House 2, When a Stranger Calls, The Pink Panther, Running Scared, Ultraviolet, The Shaggy Dog, Failure to Launch, She's the Man, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Stay Alive, Scary Movie 4, American Dreamz, R.V., Hoot, Just My Luck, The Da Vinci Code, See No Evil, Stick It, The Omen, Cars, The Devil Wears Prada, Little Man, Lady in the Water, Miami Vice, The Ant Bully, Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby, Pulse, Step Up, Zoom, Beerfest, How to Eat Fried Worms, Crossover, The Covenant, The Protector, The Black Dahlia, Jackass Number Two, Flyboys, All the King's Men, Open Season, Employee of the Month, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning, The Marine, Flicka, The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause, Marie Antoinette, A Good Year, The Return, Let's Go to Prison, The Nativity Story, Van Wilder 2: The Rise of Taj, Unaccompanied Minors, Eragon
But wait! We're still not done yet. It's time to hand out a couple more awards...
THE REEL STINKERS "HONORS"
WORST SEQUEL:
Basic Instinct 2
MOST UNNECESSARY SEQUEL:
Big Momma's House 2
WORST PERFORMANCE BY A GOOD ACTOR/ACTRESS
The entire cast of All the King's Men
WORST PERFORMANCE BY A BAD ACTOR/ACTRESS
Jessica Simpson in Employee of the Month
Borat (Come on guys, the movie was funny, but not that funny.)
WORST TIM ALLEN FAMILY FILM (OF THE THREE HE RELEASED THIS YEAR)
Zoom
WORST ANIMATED FILM OF THE YEAR
Hoodwinked
WORST USE OF MUSIC OR SONG
Zoom, for it's annoying and dated Smash Mouth soundtrack
WORST POTENTIAL FRANCHISE
Eragon
WORST TITLE
Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector
WORST HORROR REMAKE
The Omen
WORST REMAKE IN GENERAL
All the King's Men
WORST IDEA FOR A MOVIE THAT NEVER COULD HAVE WORKED
Little Man
And with that, I finally wind down this article. Those of you wondering about when I will publish my "best of" list, that's going to be a little while. A lot of the big year-end releases are still in limited release, so it's going to be a while before they come to my area, or until I track them down. I promise to do a "Best of 2006" before too long, though.
Before I close, I'd just like to thank those of you who have supported me during my first full year running Reel Opinions. I hope you continue to support and enjoy my work well into the years to come, because I'm not planning of slowing down anytime soon. See you all next weekend when I begin putting down my thoughts on 2007's films.
We Are Marshall is a movie that has the right idea, but is betrayed by its overly sloppy execution and obnoxious lead performance. While watching the movie, you're not thinking about what's going on up on the screen or about the real life situation. You keep on thinking of how a better movie would have handled the story, fleshed out the characters, and given us something to actually care about. When we get the closing narration, telling us what happened to most of the people and players in the later years, we feel nothing, because the movie has made no effort to inform us. The story that We Are Marshall tells deserves a very up close and personal approach. This movie looks at the action through a pair of binoculars from the cheap seats in the stand, while a really obnoxious guy sits next to you, cracking jokes, and won't shut up.
Ben Stiller plays Larry Daley, a divorced father who has never been able to hold down a single job, and is always pursuing get rich quick schemes that usually end in failure. In danger of losing visitation rights of his young son Nick (Jake Cherry) unless he buckles down and tackles a serious career, Larry goes to an employment agency where the only job he's qualified for is to be the night watchman at the Museum of Natural History in New York City. The Museum has been downsizing, due to dwindling customer numbers, and Larry learns that he is replacing three long-time night watchmen who are finally retiring after years of service (played by Dick Van Dyke, Mickey Rooney, and Bill Cobbs). When one of the retiring watchmen offers him a stern warning not to let anything out of the Museum after dark, Larry has no idea just how much he should heed the man's warning until later that night when he discovers that all of the Museum's displays come to life every night thanks to the magic of a legendary golden treasure located in the Egyptian wing of the building. What at first seemed to be a simple and mundane job turns out to be anything but, as Larry learns that it is his duty to keep order within the Museum after dark. He will have to take true responsibility on the job for the first time in his life if he wants to maintain some sort of control.
That Night at the Museum manages to mostly stay afloat came as a surprise to me, judging by some of the talent involved behind the camera. With Shawn Levy, director of the terrible Pink Panther and Cheaper By the Dozen remakes, at the helm, and a screenplay provided by Ben Garant and Thomas Lennon (who have shared writing credits on such stinkers as Let's Go to Prison, The Pacifier, and Taxi), let's just say I wasn't walking on air on my way into the theater. Much to my surprise, the film has a little bit more on its mind than just being a brainless holiday blockbuster, thanks to some generally likeable performances, and an underlying message that kids (and some adults) can take home that learning about history can be enjoyable. I liked the way that Larry develops different individual relationships with the various inhabitants of the museum, including Teddy Roosevelt (Robin Williams), Atilla the Hun (Patrick Gallagher), and Native American guide Sacajawea (Mizuo Peck). The movie even allows some of the historical figures to develop relationships with one-another, such as the way Roosevelt admires Sacajawea from afar, or how the miniature diorama cowboy and Roman soldier figurines (led by characters played by Owen Wilson and Steve Coogan) form an uneasy alliance having the share the same display room. The movie constantly teeters on the edge of falling into complete chaos, with hundreds of living wax figures and wild animals running around nearly every corner of the background action, but it never quite falls into the trap of letting the special effects and costumed figures completely overtake the movie.
A lot of what makes the film works has to do with the energy that carries through from the screen to the audience. The actors seem to be having a lot of fun, the special effects are convincing for the most part, and the sets are a more than passable replica of the actual museum. (The filmmakers were not allowed to shoot any interior scenes in the actual building, so they had to build their own massive sets that captured the essence of the place.) For a movie that's literally one major special effects or action sequence after another, the actors are able to give some generally well rounded and enjoyable performances, despite the chaos that erupts around them. Ben Stiller can play the role of the hard-luck loser in his sleep by now, but he comes across as likeable. Unlike a lot of his past roles, his character is mainly treated with respect, and does not exist strictly for a tool of humiliation for others. Yeah, there's a cute little monkey who constantly gets the best of him, but the standard Stiller embarrassment humor is kept relatively low key this time around. Robin Williams is surprisingly effective in his portrayal of Teddy Roosevelt, in that he mainly plays the character straight, and never goes into his usual manic comic act that he's known for. The stand out performances, however, belong to Owen Wilson and Steve Coogan, who deliver the film's biggest laughs as a pair of warring diorama figures. I also greatly enjoyed seeing Dick Van Dyke again as the previous head night watchman, and his highly energetic and mischievous performance. It's a shame that the film gives him (along with fellow veterans Mickey Rooney and Bill Cobbs) very little to do, even when his role in the plot is revealed.
If there is one thing that holds Night at the Museum back, it is that there is just no sense of wonder or magic. For a movie that promises magic in it's very premise, this is hard to forgive. The movie is so busy throwing elaborate special effects and action sequences up on the screen, that it forgets just how wondrous the things it is showing us are, and never stops to let us admire in awe what we are seeing. Though it never bothered me enough to look at the film in a negative light, I often found myself wishing that it would slow down from time to time, and just let us take everything in. Even with a fairly generous running time of just over 100 minutes, the movie seems to fly by in a blink of an eye. The film comes up a bit short in terms of plot, as well. Other than a plot development that occurs during the film's final half hour, there's never any real tension created in the story, and the movie simply consists of Stiller attempting to keep the inhabitants of the Museum under control every night. There are a couple romantic subplots, including one that Larry shares with a woman who works the day shift at the building (played by Carla Gugino), but this is mostly left underdeveloped, which is a shame because there is some sweet chemistry between the two actors during the few scenes they get to share together.
Since the passing of his beloved wife Adrian (played in flashbacks by Talia Shire) a couple years ago after a long bout with a disease, the former two-time boxing champ, Rocky Balboa (Sylvester Stallone) has enjoyed a quiet and laid back existence. He runs a local Itallian restaurant named after his late wife, where he entertains the guests with the stories of his glory days, and spends most of the time reminiscing about the past with brother-in-law Paulie (Burt Young) and trying to connect with his emotionally distant adult son (Milo Ventimiglia). After years of relative obscurity, Balboa is thrust back into the limelight when a computer simulated match up on ESPN concludes that Rocky would win in a fight against the current heavyweight champ, Mason "The Line" Dixon (real life boxer Antonio Tarver making his acting debut). Mason has been having some image problems, and his managers think that a charity match in Vegas with Balboa would be a great boost to his career. As for Rocky himself, he finds he still has some fight left within him, despite those around him thinking that he's crazy for going back into the ring, due to his age.
Apparently, Stallone was not happy with the way 1990's Rocky V turned out, so he wrote the screenplay for Rocky Balboa to give his character the farewell that he felt he deserved. Stallone not only writes and stars, but he directed this entry as well. It's a pretty bold move to resurrect a character who has not appeared on the big screen for 16 years, and with the wrong approach, it could have made the entire film come across as a desperate attempt to squeeze one last bit of juice out of the story. Fortunately, you can tell that Stallone feels too attached to his own creation to do that. Rocky Balboa comes across as a respectful continuation and closing to the story that he stared 30 years ago. This time, the emphasis is not so much on the fighting, but on Rocky himself. With the character supposed to be nearing 60, it adds a new level to the story as he deals with age, how others see him, and how he sees himself in his later years. The movie kind of acts as a time capsule as Rocky looks back on his life over the years, and tries to figure out where he should be going. Longtime fans will most likely enjoy this approach, and view it as a quiet reflection on the series as a whole. Unfortunately, there is just too little to offer those who have not embraced the series as a whole. The movie spends too much time reminiscing, and not enough time moving the story forward. At one point early in the film, Paulie tells Rocky that he's stuck in the past. The same could be said of this movie, which seems to be designed strictly for fans and for fans only. I can understand that Stallone obviously has a deep personal attachment to the story and the characters, but I think he makes a mistake by aiming for too narrow of an audience with this story. Those who have not followed the story from the beginning, or lost interest along the way, will feel like they're missing something.
Because the movie is so bent on pleasing only the fans, the film itself suffers in other areas. The new characters who are introduced in this installment are given second-hand treatment, and generally come across as shallow and underwritten. One of the main subplots in the film is Rocky's budding friendship with a lonely bar waitress and single mother named Marie (Geraldine Hughes) who is struggling to raise her troubled son Steps (James Francis Kelly III). Despite the fact that Rocky and Marie apparently had a chance meeting once when Marie was just a little girl, their relationship never truly connects with the audience, nor does it ever become clear as to why Rocky becomes so attached to her. When Marie asks him why he's so nice to her in one scene, I found myself asking the exact same thing. Marie comes across as being underwritten, and as a stand-in for Adrian during the final fight, as she sits in the audience, wrings her hands together nervously when Rocky is taking a beating, and cheers him on when he's doing well. Her son Steps is even worse, and seems to serve no purpose whatsoever to the story, as the only scene where he gets to share any real dialogue with Rocky is when they're in a city pound picking out a dog. He could have easily been written out of most of the script, and nothing in the movie would have changed at all. There's also a subplot concerning Rocky and the strained relationship with his son, and how the son feels as if he is living in his father's shadow even as an adult. While this could have added some much needed drama to the proceedings, the movie handles this plot very haphazardly, and seems to forget completely about it for most of the movie. When it finally comes time for Rocky and his son to confront each other, the scene doesn't have quite the impact that it should, because it's mainly been ignored up to this point.
None of this will matter much to the long time fans, who will probably just be thrilled to see these classic characters one last time. And indeed, it is certainly nice to see some of them again. Stallone is as likeable as he's ever been in his signature role, and slips immediately back into form. Yeah, Rocky spends a bit too much time philosophizing about life and giving lectures to different people about not giving up and pursuing your dreams, but Stallone's performance has that same rugged tough guy with a not-so secret soft spot that has made the character endure for so long, making him impossible to hate. Series regular Burt Young as Paulie gets a couple good scenes as well, but his character seems strangely unfulfilled, almost as there was supposed to be more to his character but it got left on the editing room floor. I personally would have liked to see a couple more of the old characters return myself. I mean, would it have killed them to give a cameo to Mr. T? They give a cameo to Mike Tyson in this movie, so I say why not? Of the new characters, Geraldine Hughes comes across the best as Marie, even if her character is a bit underdeveloped. She has a likeable screen presence and makes the most out of her limited role. As Rocky's main rival, Antonio Tarver is an intimidating presence, but just like everyone else, he's given very little to do. The movie spends so little time establishing him as a character, he easily becomes the most forgettable rival to ever step in the ring with the Itallian Stallion.
The film is based on the true story of Chris Gardner (Will Smith), a man struggling to get by to support his family, including frustrated wife Linda (Thandie Newton) and 5-year-old son Christopher (played by Smith's real life son, Jaden Christopher Syre Smith). A couple years ago, Chris invested all of his savings into a company that sells devices that test bone density. He's forced to make his way across the city, lugging the massive and bulky devices around, hoping to sell them to hospitals, but business has been bad since the very beginning and show no signs of improving anytime soon. With the bills and other expenses piling up at an alarming rate, Linda reaches the end of her rope, and walks out on Chris. Alone for the first time, Chris must find a way to build a better life for him and his son, and thinks he's found the answer when he learns of an internship program at a large stock broker firm. It is a competitive and cutthroat internship program, and one that pretty much guarantees failure, since only one person of the 20 selected will actually be chosen for a real career. When Chris is eventually evicted from his own apartment, and forced to move both him and his son through a large variety of temporary homes (everything from numerous homeless shelters to an empty men's room in a subway station), he becomes more determined than ever to prove to himself that he's worth more than anyone ever thought.
The Pursuit of Happyness (the alternative spelling of the word "happiness" in the title coming from a graffiti message found near young Christopher's day care) is the kind of formula film that works. It is the way the story is told rather than the story itself that is the key to its success. In making his US movie debut, Itallian filmmaker Gabriele Muccino has brought us a formula movie that works, because it avoids most of the traps that other similar films fall into. The movie strives for a somewhat realistic approach, rather than playing up the melodrama, and the characters are crafted realistically and in a likeable manner. The screenplay by Steve Conrad (The Weather Man) is too smart to fall back on familiar character types. I was especially impressed by how the character of Linda is handled. She is not portrayed as a monster for walking out on her family, but tries to understand her frustrations and her feelings. The movie does not try to vilify or look down upon her. She is simply a woman who has lost faith that things will get better, and can no longer hide her pain behind the forced smile she shows her son. Everything is treated in the same respectable fashion, and the movie never once talks down to us. All of the characters are well rounded and have dimensions, and although the story may be predictable, the movie earns its emotional response by not hitting us over the head with long-winded speeches or an overpowering music score designed to play up the emotion of the scene. The sense of realism can be found right down to the production design, which accurately recreates life in the early 80s due to a number of small touches and props that are taken straight from that point of time.
The strongest asset that The Pursuit of Happyness has is in its depiction of Chris Gardner himself. The movie is wise not to whitewash his character, or make him so much of a "saint" that we find the story hard to swallow. Chris is a flawed human being, and one that anyone struggling through life is sure to identify with. He becomes frustrated and sometimes takes his anger out on his son in a fit of yelling, he is once forced to flee from a cab when he discovers he doesn't have enough money to pay for the ride, and he often comes close to breaking down. Through it all, it is his determination and spirit that carries him through, and he comes across as a genuine individual instead of an overly glorified movie depiction of a real person. A lot of this credit goes to Will Smith, who gives an Award-worthy performance that immediately grabs our attention. It gets to the point that we feel we are not watching Will Smith playing a struggling single father, that's how completely he is able to disappear into his character. He never once draws attention to himself or steps out of character, and he is constantly believable and heartfelt in both his performance and his line delivery. There is a small scene where Chris is forced to take shelter in a public men's room, and is holding onto his sleeping son, as he attempts to hold onto what little faith he has left in himself. A lesser movie would have played up the melodrama of this moment, but this movie plays it small and honest, and his heartbreak is clear to see on his face without a single line of dialogue.
Having Will Smith's actual son play his character's son in the movie initially sounds like a desperate piece of stunt casting, and could have endangered the movie had it not worked out right. Fortunately, young Jaden Christopher Syre Smith knows how to be an appropriate little scene stealer without coming across as an overly cute or forced "movie kid". He gets a few difficult dramatic scenes, such as the sequences where he struggles to understand what is happening to his father and him, and why they are forced to move around so much. He is natural in front of the camera, and never seems to be playing or mugging for the screen. The supporting cast is equally strong, with everyone hitting the proper notes. The bosses at the stock broker firm are well rounded, and never come across as being overly stuffy, or overly sympathetic to Chris' plight, either. They come across as being just as genuine as the main characters, and include some fine performances from Brian Howe as the man who initially gives Chris the opportunity to take the internship, and cartoon voice actor Dan Castellaneta (best known as the voice of Homer Simpson) making a rare live action appearance as the teacher of the internship course.
Like the much better fantasy films that inspired it, Eragon begins with a land in turmoil as an evil ruler holds the people in constant fear. The evil ruler this time around is the rather generic King Galbatorix (John Malkovich), who has conquered the land with his vast army of demons and monsters, and now pretty much sits around in his castle, looking bored. As is to be expected, there is a prophecy that speaks of a "Dragon Rider" who will lead an uprising of people, and overthrow the king's rule. This idea does not appeal to Galbatorix, so he keeps the last-known dragon egg (which looked more like an oversized jelly bean, or perhaps a really big cold medicine tablet to me) hidden in his castle so that it can never find a "Rider". A brave young Princess named Arya (Sienna Guillory) manages to steal the egg, but is captured by the King's evil wizard Durza (Robert Carlyle) shortly after escaping. Fortunately, Princess Arya is able to cast a spell that teleports the dragon egg to a very convenient place, into the hands of innocent young farmboy Eragon (Edward Speleers). It seems that this very bland blonde-haired pretty boy who has the personality of a hunk of wood is the "Rider" the legends speak of. The egg hatches, revealing a dragon named Saphira, who eventually bonds with the boy telepathtically. (The dragon's telepathic "voice" being provided by Rachel Weisz.) Shortly thereafter, Galbatorix's demons start coming after Eragon. He must team up with a wise old warrior named Brom (Jeremy Irons) who will train the future Dragon Rider in combat so that he will be strong enough to lead a small band of rebels, rescue the Princess, and usher in a new film franchise that will make oodles of money for the Fox studio, provided people are stupid enough to fall for this movie.
The Eragon series began as a series of books that were written by a teenager named Christopher Paolini, and found a large audience with young readers hooked on the fantasy craze thanks to the Lord of the Rings films and the Harry Potter series. I have not read the books, so I cannot say with any certainty if the novels are as derivative or uninspired as this film adaptation is. The story does certainly read like it came from the mind of a teen who spent too much time watching Star Wars and playing fantasy RPG video games, and somehow got lucky enough to have his story get published. Eragon does not have a single original thought in its head, nor does it have a single moment we cannot predict, because we've literally seen everything before. We can predict who is going to live or die almost the second they walk onto the screen, because we've seen the exact same character types in other movies. The difference between this movie and the ones that it blatantly steals from is that these characters don't have a shred of life or personality within them. Everyone is simply going through the motions, acting exactly the way we expect them to, almost as if they've been preprogrammed and had anything resembling a personality removed from their souls before filming began. What few relationships the movie does decide to focus on (such as the one between Eragon and his dragon Saphira, or the one between Eragon and Princess Arya) come across as completely shallow and almost as a mere afterthought. The movie keeps on stressing that a Dragon Rider will grow stronger as his bond with his dragon grows, but because both Eragon and his dragon essentially stay the same way throughout the film, we never get the sense of a deep bond that I think the filmmakers intended.
Any chance of Eragon becoming a film franchise literally disappears right up there on the screen when you see how ineptly everything has been thrown together. The story is sometimes an incoherent mess, with things happening so quickly and with no explanation. (How the heck does Saphira the dragon grow from a weak little infant to a full-grown majestic beast in the course of less than two minutes?) There are also some very humorous plot holes, such as the way old warrior Brom somehow manages to show up to save young Eragon's life, even though the kid left him miles and miles behind, and there's absolutely no way the guy should have been able to make it to where Eragon was, unless he somehow possesses the magic of teleportation and the movie forgot to tell us. Everything is so completely underwhelming, you often wonder if the filmmakers were even trying. Eragon's world looks like it wishes it could be the Middle Earth depicted in Peter Jackson's Lord of the Rings trilogy, the dragon itself never quite convinces and looks more like a video game character than a flesh and blood creature, and the evil demons are severely disappointing, most of them either looking like Swamp Thing's distant relatives or professional wrestling rejects that have been told to roll around in the mud so they'd look more menacing. The climactic battle between Galbatorix's army and the rebels is less than inspiring, goes on for all of five minutes (if even that), and seems to be over mere moments after it starts. It certainly doesn't help that we could care less about the plight of the rebels, since Eragon met them less than 10 minutes before the battle begins. I'm going to give the original novel's author the benefit of the doubt, and assume that this is a severely hacked screenplay that rushes through the book's main plot points in a desperate attempt to tell the story.
Equally uninspiring is the cast, who simply cannot breathe life into the characters, no matter how much they may try. Newcomer Edward Speleers makes a very disappointing screen debut as the film's title hero. He fits the standard young hero type physically, but there is no life in his performance. Of course, it would help if his character's dialogue wasn't comprised almost entirely out of pointing out the obvious. Much like young Mr. Speleers, Sienna Guillory is pretty and looks the part of the Princess being held captive, but the script gives her nothing to do or say. Jeremy Irons at least tries to bring some talent to his portrayal of the wizened warrior Brom, but his character exists simply to explain the film's backstory to both Eragon and the audience, almost to the point that he comes across as a Narrator who somehow wandered into the story. Even the lead villain roles are completely forgettable, as these are easily the most uninspired villains to disgrace a feature film in many a moon. John Malkovich bellows his lines and bulges his eyes as the evil King Galbatorix, screaming about how he wants Eragon dead, but he literally does absolutely nothing during the film's entire running time. The film's final scene hints that he will play a larger role in the next film, but we find it hard to care when we see how uninteresting he is throughout this movie. As the king's head dark wizard (or "Shade" as the movie refers to him as), Robert Carlyle looks kind of like the long lost relative of Marilyn Manson with his gore-faced goth make up, and never comes across as a serious threat no matter how much he hisses as he recites his lines. The biggest disappointment to me was how flat Rachel Weisz sounds as the voice of the dragon. She is a fine actress, but she sounds downright bored whenever she "talks" to Eragon through his mind.
For you sad, deprived souls who went through childhood having never read the book, the story centers on Wilbur (voiced by 10-year old Dominic Scott Kay), a pig who is born the runt of the litter, and is spared the chopping block when the farmer's preteen daughter Fern (Dakota Fanning) takes pity on the creature, and volunteers to take care of him as her own. Wilbur doesn't stay a runt for very long, and eventually, Fern is forced to send the pig to the farm owned by her Uncle Zuckerman (Gary Basaraba) across the road, as he can no longer live inside a house. Wilbur spends some carefree days on the farm, making friends with the local barn animals and enjoying daily visits from Fern, until the farm rat Templeton (voice by Steve Buscemi) clues Wilbur in on his fate come Christmas time, and the Zuckerman family start craving a pork dinner. Fortunately for young Wilbur, he has unknowingly been watched since the day he arrived on the farm by a kind and intelligent barn spider named Charlotte A. Cavatica (voice by Julia Roberts). The two begin an unlikely, yet true, friendship, and Charlotte makes it her mission to make sure that Wilbur can live a full life. With the spider's help, Wilbur will learn many valuable life lessons, including how to let go of a friend when the time comes.
Whenever a beloved story is brought to the screen, there is always that slight hint of fear that something may be lost in the translation. For Charlotte's Web, that fear disappears almost from the moment the studio logos fade, and we hear a narrator (voiced by Sam Shepard) setting up the story in just the right way. Director Gary Winick (13 Going on 30) and screenwriters Susannah Grant (In Her Shoes, Erin Brockovich) and Karey Kirkpatrick (Over the Hedge) are able to capture the true essence of the story, without staying so slavishly faithful to the novel that it feels like they copied every last word into the screenplay. This is a tricky balancing act for any adaptation, and this movie pulls it off almost effortlessly. What's equally astonishing is that despite the presence of a large star-studded cast and top rate special effects, the story never becomes lost or overwhelmed, and remains constantly in the center of the film so that we don't lose sight of it. Some of the actors who lend their voice talents as the various animals in and around Zuckerman's farm include John Cleese, Oprah Winfrey, Cedric the Entertainer, Kathy Bates, Reba McEnitre, Robert Redford, and Thomas Haden Church. Unlike some other films that boast an all star voice cast, they never become a distraction and they never get lost in the shuffle. While I wouldn't exactly call most of the outside animals "developed", they are given enough screen time to come across as memorable, and each one gets at least one or two of their own stand out line that made me smile.
Of course, it is the relationship of Wilbur and Charlotte that is most important to the story, and this is brought to life not only by the respectful screenplay, but by the wonderful vocal performances that help bring the characters to life. Julia Roberts may not seem to be the ideal choice as the quiet and wise spider, but she instantly feels right the second you hear her voice from the rafters of the barn. There is a certain "motherly" tone to her voice that fits the character, but never comes across as cloying or overly sweet. Her final scenes are handled maturely and with grace, as Roberts finds the perfect tone to describe to Wilbur what is happening to her character so as not to frighten young children in the audience. As Wilbur the pig, child actor Dominic Scott Kay is a real find, and always delivers the right line readings and emotion for every scene. Here's hoping the strong roles continue to come his way, so that he does not become a faded star as he gets older. More so than the fine performances, it is the special effects that seamlessly blend live animal footage with computer animation, that give the various creatures of the farm their unique personality. The effects artists never go so overboard that the animals appear to be acting like humans, but still give the proper illusion that they can talk or faint on cue. The effects also never become overwhelming, so that we don't spend too much time wondering how they were done, instead of focusing on the story being told.
In terms of supporting performances, no one quite matches the perfect chemistry of leads Roberts and Kay, but everyone is clearly giving it their all. Dakota Fanning, unquestionably the hardest working child actor today, delivers yet another fine performance as Fern, but she is given very little to do in the story once she is forced to give up Wilbur. I wouldn't go so far as to say that the limited role is beneath her, but still, just about any capable child star could have played the part just as well, and her casting was most likely simply so that they could put one more headlining name above the title. Of the supporting animal characters, Steve Buscemi easily gets the most attention as the shifty, yet secretly kind-hearted rat, Templeton, and therefore comes across the strongest. His voice fits the character to a tee, and is even able to deliver more than his share of groan-worthy pun lines without it coming across as cheesy or stupid. Outside of the film's performances, it is the general look and overall production of the movie that gives it so much warmth. From the beautifully shot farm landscapes, to the very fitting music score by famed composer Danny Elfman, everything comes together to create the proper mood and tone in just about every scene.
