We Bought a Zoo
Cameron Crowe's We Bought a Zoo is a harmless movie about some very nice people who, yes, end up buying a zoo when they go looking for a new place to live. Unfortunately, while the movie is harmless, it's also not very interesting. Same goes for the people. They're nice and all, but don't seem to have a lot on their minds. Even the zoo animals seem kind of bored. This certainly isn't a bad movie, just a very familiar one.
The film is based on the true story of Benjamin Mee (played here by Matt Damon), a single father who is coping with the recent passing of his wife, and having to raise his two children on his own. His teenage son, Dylan (Colin Ford) is your typical isolated young man, who expresses himself by getting in trouble at school, and drawing graphic pictures of death in class. His younger daughter, Rosie (Maggie Elizabeth Jones), is one of those cloying little movie kids who always has something cute or clever to say on cue whenever the camera is pointed at her. He also has a supportive brother (Thomas Haden Church), who is mainly there for sarcastic comic relief. Benjamin decides the time has come for a change when Dylan is expelled from school, and he himself becomes fed up with his newspaper job, and walks off. He wants to start a new life for himself and his family.
He finds the perfect home somewhere in the Southern California countryside. Naturally, it's the one that the realtor seems the most nervous about, due to the fact that the house comes with its own struggling private zoo. In what has to be one of the biggest impulse buys in the history of cinema, Benjamin decides to buy the house when he sees how happy his little daughter is around the animals. I certainly hope there was more than that behind his decision to buy the property in real life. The family moves in, and they take charge of the zoo, which comes with its own staff of colorful stock characters. There's Kelly the zookeeper (Scarlett Johansson), who serves as somewhat of a love interest for Benjamin. The zoo's staff even has a teenage zookeeper (Elle Fanning) to act as a love interest for Dylan. There's an attempt at a subplot about Fanning's character trying to help Dylan come out of the emotional shell he's been in since his mother died. Too bad it never really works on an emotional level. Maybe if she had been written as an actual character, rather than someone whose main character trait is to smile a lot.
The rest of the staff is made up of eccentrics and oddballs that the movie can't think of anything to do with, so they're not worth mentioning. I understand what Crowe was going for here - He wanted to make a big-hearted movie about a family's emotional healing after a crisis, and how this family adventure of trying to run the zoo brought them closer together. You can literally see the screenplay co-written by Crowe trying its hardest to push our emotional buttons. You can also see him throwing just about every audience-pleasing trick in the book. A cute child, a shy teen romance, the struggle to save a sick tiger, a monkey who makes cute little reactions to what the characters say, a father trying to move on from his painful past, as well as connect with his emotionally distant son...It gets to be a bit much. I have not read the book that inspired this film, so I don't know if things actually happened this way. But, it felt awfully manipulative and contrived to me.
I was also put off by the severe tonal shifts that go on throughout the movie. The stuff concerning Damon and his son are actually pretty good, and there are some honest moments. But then, there are a lot of moments that are so overly sentimental or broad that they seem like they belong in a different movie. Thomas Haden Church is one of my favorite actors, but his role as the dry-witted brother is out of place. He's like a character on a sitcom, his every word a sarcastic quip. Equally out of place is John Michael Higgins, who plays the film's villain, a safety inspector who wants to close down the zoo, and does his best to find problems with it. Higgins plays the part too broad. As soon as he steps out of the car with that confident and smug smirk plastered on his face, you know what role he's supposed to play. And that smirk never leaves his face. It's like he's silently telling us at all times, "Yep, I'm a jerk. How can I be so terrible to these nice people? Don't you just hate me?"
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We've seen lots of holiday movies built around the story of Santa Claus, and how he is able to pull off his yearly run of delivering presents all over the world in one night. But, in my opinion, 
Santa has another son named Arthur (James McAvoy) who, despite the fact that he pretty much radiates Christmas cheer from every fiber of his being (right down to the musical reindeer slippers he wears on his feet), is basically seen as the black sheep of the family. While older brother Steve gets all the glory at the North Pole, and is expected to become the next Santa after their dad retires, Arthur is pushed aside to the letter department, answering children's letters to Santa. This does allow Arthur a chance to have personal experiences and feelings for the children of the world, since he's required to read their letters and hear their deepest wishes. This probably explains why Arthur is so horrified when he discovers that a little girl's present has gone undelivered during Steve's most recent Christmas Eve run. Being a bean counter, Steve sees the undelivered gift as a simple oversight, and nothing to be concerned with. But all Arthur can think about is how disappointed the child will be.
The remainder of the film deals with Arthur's attempts to deliver the gift on his own before the sun rises, and it's officially Christmas Morning. He teams up with Grandsanta (Bill Nighy), the cantankerous old Santa (before Arthur's father's time) who still believes that the old fashioned reindeer-driven sleigh is the way to go over Steve's hi-tech operation, and leads Arthur to a room where the sleigh, magic flying dust, and reindeer have been locked away in secret. With the sleigh, Grandsanta, and a stowaway elf named Bryony (Ashley Jenson), who shares Arthur's views on no gift going undelivered, Arthur begins a series of misadventures to deliver the present, which include a stop in Africa, and a lot of unintended damage as they fly around the world.
Whenever a studio tries to make a Christmas-themed movie, it's often too easy to get wrapped up in sappy sentiment, or corporate greed. Fortunately, this movie avoids both traps, and manages to be a true delight. Yes, the animation's not quite up to the efforts we got last week from 
Reviving a beloved franchise is always a risky proposition, and one I would not wish upon anyone. This time, the task fell to comic actor and writer, Jason Segel, who, as anyone who has seen his film 
The plot is the stuff of ancient Hollywood cliches that Henson and his team loved to simultaneously spoof and celebrate back in the day. Segel plays Gary, an ordinary guy who lives in Smalltown, USA, along with his sunny long-time girlfriend, Mary (Amy Adams, who is just as charming here as she was in 
Determined to not let the Muppet name die, Gary, Walter, and Mary track down Kermit the Frog (voice by Steve Whitmire) in his secluded mansion, and tell him what's about to happen to the Muppet Studio. After some hesitation and personal reflection (in a lovely musical number that harkens back to some of the Muppets better melodies), Kermit agrees to join the trio, and they begin traveling the world to track down the other Muppets, so they can get the old group back together, and put on a show to raise money to save the Muppet studio. I liked seeing where the different characters had ended up since going their separate ways, such as Miss Piggy being a fashion magazine editor in Paris, Gonzo being a tycoon in a toilet seat business empire, and Animal being in anger management, with Jack Black as his personal counselor (just one of the film's many cameos).
So yes, it's the old "let's put on a show" formula that Mickey Rooney used to appear in, which is why it's fitting that the veteran actually makes a brief appearance in this movie. But really, the plot fits the Muppet characters, who have always been about charm and simplicity. Charm is one thing this movie has by the bucket-load. It's so warm, sunny, cheerful, and heartfelt, I can't imagine anyone flat-out hating it. What's amazing is how perfectly this movie understands the nature of Henson's classic humor, mixing nostalgic, old-fashioned elements with sharp satire and wit. The cast is equally sharp here, with Segel proving himself to be quite a capable song and dance man as well as a comic, Amy Adams being effortlessly charming, and Chris Cooper obviously relishing his comic villain role, and getting to do something different from the heavy dramas he's usually known for. From the lead stars to the numerous celebrities making cameos, everybody seems to be having a blast here, and it carries through out to the audience.
I wish I could say that 
We are reunited with the tap dancing penguin, Mumble (voice by Elijah Wood), who still can't carry a tune, but has managed to start a family with his young love Gloria (recording artist Alecia "Pink" Moore, stepping in for the late Brittany Murphy from the first movie), and their young chick, Erik (Ava Acres). Much like Mumble in his younger years, it seems that little Erik is having a hard time fitting in with the other penguins. He can't dance like his dad, and his singing doesn't match that of his mom. Because of this, Erik runs away from home with two of his little friends. Not long into his journey into the arctic wild, little Erik comes across the Mighty Sven (Hank Azaria), a puffin who is passing himself off as a penguin who can fly, and is treated almost like a god because of his flight abilities by a different clan of penguins. Seeing Sven flies puts the idea into Erik's head that maybe he can fly too if he puts his mind to it.
Mumble tracks his wayward son down, and as he tries to set the boy straight during their walk home, catastrophe strikes - Global warming causes the ice shelf to shift, stranding most of Mumble's tribe in a gorge where there seems to be no escape. Gloria is down there amongst the penguins, and unless something is done, they will all starve and die. Desperate for help, Mumble will turn to anyone he can think of, including a hard-headed elephant seal, the loopy penguin guru, Lovelace (Robin Williams), and even the Mighty Sven. As for young Erik, he will have to look within himself to find his own abilities and talents that make him special, and will help save his mother, as well as the other penguins in his tribe.
I wasn't exactly expecting complexity walking into 
In fact, one such subplot brings about the film's two most memorable characters - A pair of krill who go by the names of Will (Brad Pitt) and Bill (Matt Damon). These underwater crustaceans are tired of being at the bottom of the aquatic food chain, and decide to try their hands at being predators, going after animals and fish five times their size. The banter between the two actors is amusing, and while their plot has nothing to do with the action itself, the bug-eyed duo deliver some of the biggest laughs in the film, so I didn't care all that much. I actually wouldn't mind seeing the characters appear in a short cartoon or something. They wind up stealing the show, and offer a light comic touch to the somewhat dark main story that concerns itself with death and uncertainty.
So yes, 
I tried, dear reader. Oh, how I tried. I tried to get involved in the love story between 18-year-old Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart) and her vampire lover, Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson), as they prepared to walk down the aisle and begin their lives together. But I cannot see the appeal of such a shallow couple, and why millions of women around the world find theirs to be one of the great love stories. I most likely never will understand. But, for those of you who are the faithful of this franchise, this is the movie I assume you've been waiting for. Bella and Edward finally say "I do", they have sex for the first time (off camera, of course, as this is a PG-13 movie), and Bella becomes pregnant with a half-human/half-vampire child. This leads to one of the bloodiest childbirth scenes in cinema history, and also makes me question, why is it not okay to show people making love in a PG-13 film, but it is okay to show Bella's spine literally twist and snap in labor, with blood strewn about the bed?
Bella's best friend, Jacob (Taylor Lautner), is back as well. If you recall, he's the guy who can turn into a wolf simply by running, and tearing off his shirt. I noticed something odd, however. Whenever he's about to turn into a wolf, he rips his shirt off, yet leaves his pants on. And yet, as soon as he assumes his wolf form, the pants simply disappear. I don't recall seeing them fly off him during the transformation sequence. They're just simply not there anymore. Anyway, Jacob's role in the story is to stand around and pout over the fact that Bella has chosen to marry Edward over him. He stands outside their house a lot, looking tortured and pained. Or, at least the closest to tortured and pained that Lautner can put across in his traditionally wooden performance. He vows to protect Bella when she becomes pregnant, but doesn't end up doing a whole lot.
The main plot involves Jacob's wolf pack wanting to kill Bella before she can give birth to her child, while Edward and Jacob try to protect her. What this ultimately boils down to is a lot of scenes of the main heroes pacing around inside the house, wondering what to do about Bella, while the wolves pace around outside the house under the cover of trees. 
There's a lot of sulking, a lot of pouting, some cornball romantic dialogue to tie everything together, an uninspired fight scene between the vampires and the wolves that is so incompetently shot, it often looks like a tangled mess of human actors and flashes of CG fur, and then it ends. I can't think of another movie this year that's ended up being a bigger non-event. So, is it all a total waste? Not completely. There were two moments that made me smile. One was when Bella's dad (Billy Burke) gave a very funny speech during their wedding, and the other is when we see the aftermath of Edward and Bella's lovemaking, which results in the girl waking up in the middle of a bed that's been mangled and smashed by her vampire lover's strength and passion. It's one of the few moments when the characters are allowed to smile, or at least show an emotion other than blank indifference.
The plot couldn't be simpler, and will most likely fit right in when the inevitable video game tie in comes out in a few months. Set in the time of Greek Myths, an evil king by the name of Hyperion (Mickey Rourke) wants to take vengeance on the gods above after they did not answer his prayers to save the life of his wife and children when they became ill and died. He decides to take his anger out on the world by seeking a magical bow and arrow known as the Epirus Bow, which has the power to free the Titans that are locked away deep within Mount Tartarus. Standing in Hyperion's way is Theseus (Henry Cavill), a peasant and former slave who wants revenge on the king after Hyperion's army raided his city and killed his mother. Theseus is joined in battle by an Oracle (Freida Pinto from 
As a villain, Hyperion spends most of his time shoveling food in his mouth, when he's not torturing his own soldiers, or sticking attractive young women in a silver statue of a bull where he burns them alive. As for our hero, Theseus is of the square-jawed, bare-chested variety. He's handy with a blade, which he uses to hack Hyperion's many armored and faceless soldiers to bits. It's not surprising that he's a skilled fighter, since he's been trained since he was a child by Zeus himself, who takes the form of a kindly old man (John Hurt) when he's down on Earth amongst the mortals. (Luke Evans portrays the actual Zeus during the scenes when the gods watch the action going on down on Earth from above.) But then, does he really need training by a god when the enemy's main attack seems to be to rush blindly at Theseus, and hope for the best? The action and fight sequences are of the mindless "hack and slash" variety, and look oddly like a demo for a video game tie in. The only thing missing are the button prompts popping up, and a score counter.
At least 
But, I'm here to talk about 
The plot (such as it is) concerns Jill (the sister) coming to visit her brother Jack and his family for Thanksgiving. She's only supposed to be there for a few days, but she extends her vacation time, and winds up staying almost to New Years. During that time, we get a lot of toilet humor (much more than a PG-rated comedy aimed at kids needs), a ton of product placements (How much did Dunkin' Donuts pay to get their brand worked into the plot of the movie? And would it have been better for business if they had just stayed out of the movie all together?), and a lot of celebrity cameos that include Sandler's friends, as well as some big names cashing a paycheck. The cameos in this film include David Spade (in drag, no less), Dana Carvey, Johnny Depp, Regis Philbin, John McEnroe, Shaquille O'Neal, Drew Carey, Christie Brinkley, and Bruce Jenner. Oh, and then there's Al Pacino.
Yes, I said Al Pacino. Only he's not making a cameo, he's a main supporting character. He plays a caricature of himself as a raving oddball who speaks gibberish in order to fool people he can speak other languages, and becomes inexplicably attracted to Jill when he happens to meet her at a basketball game. Jill has no interest in Pacino, but Jack's ad agency wants to hire the actor for a Dunkin' Donut campaign, so he tries to bring the two together. When Jill further resists, Jack is forced to dress up as his sister and be seduced by Pacino. But never mind. The important thing is Pacino gets the film's only laughs, because he tackles the material head-on and with full passion. He obviously knows this material is stupid, but he gives such an energetic performance, you sometimes find yourself laughing, even if what he says isn't that funny. Say what you will about his decision to appear in this movie, but he earns every cent of that paycheck when he appears in trash like this.
Outside of Pacino's off the wall performance, I can't say I laughed very much at 
There have been many speculations and conspiracy theories that Shakespeare did not write his plays. Many names as to the true author have been kicked about over the years. The one that Emmerich and screenwriter John Orloff run with is Edward de Vere, the Earl of Oxford (Rhys Ifans). He is a man of high standing and power in the court of Queen Elizabeth, whom we see as both a young woman (Joely Richardson) and late in her life (Richardson's real life mother, Vanessa Redgrave). Edward longs to write plays and poems, but his position prevents him. He decides to strike a deal with struggling playwright, Ben Jonson (Sebastian Armesto), and offers him money if Jonson will publish and perform his plays under his name, instead of Edward's. Jonson balks at the idea, but not before he happens to tell about his meeting with the Earl to a young actor named Will Shakespeare (Rafe Spall).
Shakespeare is portrayed here largely as a lout, hungry for fame and attention, but not really holding any qualities that can earn him what he desires. He's often drunk, he's lewd, he's crass, and he does not share Jonson's qualms about putting his name on someone else's work. Edward's plays, with Shakespeare's name attached, become instant hits, stirring audiences like no one has ever seen. The drama mainly stems from Ben, and how he is forced to watch his undeserving friend suddenly become the toast of society. While he struggles to get his own plays performed, he watches Shakespeare swindle and blackmail his way into getting a theater constructed especially for his works. As for Edward, there is plenty of drama within the walls of the castle, including the lusty desires of Queen Elizabeth, and her many illegitimate children, including one with Edward.
Is all of this ridiculous? Absolutely. The fact that 
And much like the historical drama I saw yesterday (
