Hotel for Dogs

The animal stars in Hotel for Dogs are much better trained than Marley, the canine star of Marley & Me. And that's part of the problem. Marley at least got to act like a real dog, and did things a dog would actually do in the situations it put him in. The dogs here are playing for the camera, giving cute reaction shots, and hitting their marks with flawless precision. While this is sure to entertain kids up to a certain age, it was boring to me. This is a perfectly harmless and perfectly bland family film where nothing much happens, but at least there are some cute dogs on display.

Siblings Andi (Emma Roberts) and Bruce (Jake T. Austin) are a pair of foster kids who have been moved around to different families by their kindly social worker, Bernie (Don Cheadle, cashing a paycheck here), the past few years since their parents died. They're currently living with the Scudders (Kevin Dillon and Lisa Kudrow), a goofy couple who dream of being rock stars, despite having no real talent, and care more about their careers than the kids living with them. Their foster parents apparently don't like animals, because the kids have been forced to hide the presence of their pet dog, Friday, who lives in the house secretly. One day, while Friday is out on his own, he's picked up by the city dogcatcher and taken to the pound. The kids manage to spring the pooch, but their visit to the pound makes them realize what a terrible place it is, and how many dogs there are that need rescuing. The way the pound is depicted in this movie, it's like a doggie Auschwitz, run by incompetent dog catchers who like to fall over themselves and provide generic physical comedy for the kids in the audience. Also, we never get to see the cats and various other animals who may need rescuing, so I guess we're not supposed to care about them.

Knowing it's no longer safe for them to keep Friday living secretly with them, the kids find an abandoned old hotel, where a small group of stray dogs are already living. Little brother Bruce just happens to have a knack for inventions, and even invented a crude elevator for Friday to use back at the place they live at. He decides that he could convert the building into a home for dogs, with his various inventions providing everything the animals could need. He is able to dream up inventions like automatic food dispensers, a car ride simulator, and a vending machine that drops shoes for them to chew on. The kids are eventually joined by some of the neighborhood teens, including the ones who work at the local pet supply store, Dave and Heather (Johnny Simmons and Kyla Pratt), and a silly local kid named Mark (Troy Gentile). With their help, they start rescuing every stray dog they can find, and housing them in the "hotel for dogs". Naturally, their secret is eventually found out, and the kids will have to fight to keep the dogs safe.

That's pretty much all you get with a ticket for Hotel for Dogs. I was so desperate for something to happen, I even started to hope that maybe the crazed miner from My Bloody Valentine 3D (the movie I saw right before this) would show up. Unfortunately, this is a Nickelodeon production, not a Lionsgate film. Director Thor Freudenthal (1996's Monkey Trouble), along with screenwriters Jeff Lowell (Over Her Dead Body) and writing team Robert Schooley and Mark McCorkle (Sky High), give what most of the audience have come for, I guess - Lots of cute dogs doing cute things and providing plenty of droppings for the characters to step in and for the villains to fall into. The movie never once tries to create any tension or interest. The worst thing that happens in this movie is that one of Bruce's inventions at the hotel breaks down when the kids aren't there, and the dogs start to run amok through the building. The film's based on a children's novel not read by me by Lois Duncan, and while I can't say how faithful the filmmakers are to it, I can almost guarantee that more probably went on in the book.

The movie's serviceable all around, and never offends, but it's never more than that. The performances are all just good enough, with no one really standing out or making any real effort. It's sort of sad to see Don Cheadle in a role that just about anyone could play, and get the same result. Still, he does get to deliver the movie's climactic stirring speech, as he calls out the dogs' names and tells the crowd of people gathered their personal stories. (As he calls each dog's name, they come running up to him, and stand beside him in perfect precision.) About the only thing that held my interest in the film were the inventions, which may be farfetched, but at least had some imagination put into them. They're the kind of stuff a kid could dream up, I guess, if he had access to a multi-million dollar studio prop department. Also of note is the van the kids drive around in to look for dogs to rescue. It's a giant vehicle made up to look like a dog, complete with a wagging tail on the end. Not only did I like the one Jeff Daniels drove in Dumb and Dumber better, but you'd think it would draw some attention to their operation. Then again, all of the adults except for Cheadle's character are depicted as idiots, so maybe's it's not so hard to believe.

I guess I should complement Hotel for Dogs for working at the very basic level it attempts. The kids at my screening loved the dogs, and there were plenty of "awwhs" from the audience when the animals did a cute trick or reaction shot. If that's how you'd like to spend 100 minutes, you'll get your money's worth. Let's take a little test to see if this movie is for you - At one point, the mean foster parents fall into a dumpster filled to the top with bags of dog droppings. One of them asks where they are, and the other replies "We're in deep doo-doo". If that line made you laugh, as the audience did at my screening, you're the person Hotel for Dogs is looking for.

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