Reel Opinions


Saturday, April 11, 2009

Hannah Montana: The Movie

Having not been a regular viewer of the Disney Channel in about 15 years, and having no access to the opinions of preteen girls, I knew very little walking into Hannah Montana: The Movie. I did have my expectations, however, and for better or worse, the movie met them. It's gentle, it's inoffensive, and it's about as squeaky clean as a movie can get these days. But boy, is it ever bland and tedious. This is a movie designed strictly for the show's young fans. The only adults who will get anything out of it are those who don't care what they're watching, just as long as it has a happy ending.

Despite having never seen a single episode of the show, I have a feeling that the movie is more or less an extended version of one, as it often feels like a made for TV movie that's been blown up on the screen. Just like on the series, the movie deals with the double life of Miley Stewart (Miley Cyrus), who is an ordinary teenage girl at school, but is also secretly the most successful young pop singer in the world, Hannah Montana. There's a certain Clark Kent/Superman thing going on, as her "Hannah" disguise consists of nothing but her wearing flashier clothes and a blonde wig. And no, the movie never addresses why no one can tell that Miley and Hannah are one and the same. Her family, her best friend at school Lilly (Emily Osment), and her publicist Vita (Vanessa Williams) are the only ones aware of her double life, and try their hardest to keep it hidden from the public and nosey tabloid journalists, like the one who's always following her around in this movie (Peter Gunn), and exists simply to be humiliated in a series of slapstick gag pieces.

As the movie opens, the fame of being Hannah is starting to go to Miley's head a little. She upstages her best friend at Lilly's own extravagant 16th birthday party (which by my estimate, must have cost in the 4 or 5-digit range) and has been caught in some bad behavior, such as when she gets in a comical slapstick catfight with Tyra Banks over a pair of designer shoes. Miley's father (Cyrus' real-life father, Billy Ray) has had enough, and decides an intervention is in order. He takes her back to her small Tennessee hometown, Crowley Corners, to celebrate Grandma Ruby's (Margo Martindale) birthday. Miley resists at first, but soon she catches the eye of a handsomely bland young cowboy named Travis Brody (Lucas Till) who works on grandma's farm. There's also some nonsense about the town being threatened by some greedy land developers who want to build a massive shopping mall in the sleepy little town, but none of it matters. All that matters is that the movie gives the series' fans what they want with plenty of bubblegum pop and country music, cute teens, and incessantly perky energy.

As for the rest of us? Well, Hannah Montana wasn't made for the rest of us. And that's too bad, because its young star does show quite a bit of potential. I wouldn't quite put Miley Cyrus in the same league as other young heavyweights like Dakota Fanning, but she does have a certain charm to her. I can't tell if she has more potential than that, because the movie itself is pretty aimless. I didn't think it was possible, but this movie makes High School Musical 3 seem pretty complex in comparison. We get some set-up to explain why Miley and her family are going to Tennessee, and then the entire middle section seems to be made up entirely out of music montages where Miley and her boyfriend ride around on horses and swing on ropes, or scenes where the characters themselves are singing. There's literally a 15 or 20 minute stretch in the film where the characters sing one song after another, and I started to feel like I was watching an extended and expensive commercial for the film's soundtrack CD (which I most likely was).

When the movie does decide to throw a bit of plot our way, it usually degenerates into slapstick gags that are set up in a way that you can't miss them coming. See that collection of celebrity plates Grandma Ruby is so proud of? How much you want to bet they're all going to be smashed and broken before the scene is over? One of Miley's cousins is introduced as a guy who keeps a pet ferret in his pocket, then disappears from the movie completely until it's time for a fancy dinner party with the town's Mayor, so the ferret can escape and wreak havoc on the guests. Miley helps out on the farm, and puts some eggs in her back pockets, almost as if she knows she's going to fall down on her butt in a matter of seconds. You see that ladder leaning up against Grandma Ruby's house, so a character can spy in on a bedroom window? Did I mention that if said character fell from said ladder, he would wind up crushing Grandma Ruby's prized garden? These are people who have never come across a mud puddle they haven't fallen in face-first.


Much like last year's High School Musical 3, Hannah Montana is unapologetically cornball and about as close to total fluff as you can get. But, to be honest, the High School kids were a lot more energetic and entertaining than anything here. While not without the occasional sweet moment (usually between Miley and her father), the whole thing is pretty bland and instantly forgettable. It's cotton candy for the brain, and not even good cotton candy to start with.

See the movie times in your area or buy the DVD at Amazon.com!

0 comments

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

<< Home

09/01/2005 - 10/01/2005
10/01/2005 - 11/01/2005
11/01/2005 - 12/01/2005
12/01/2005 - 01/01/2006
01/01/2006 - 02/01/2006
02/01/2006 - 03/01/2006
03/01/2006 - 04/01/2006
04/01/2006 - 05/01/2006
05/01/2006 - 06/01/2006
06/01/2006 - 07/01/2006
07/01/2006 - 08/01/2006
08/01/2006 - 09/01/2006
09/01/2006 - 10/01/2006
10/01/2006 - 11/01/2006
11/01/2006 - 12/01/2006
12/01/2006 - 01/01/2007
01/01/2007 - 02/01/2007
02/01/2007 - 03/01/2007
03/01/2007 - 04/01/2007
04/01/2007 - 05/01/2007
05/01/2007 - 06/01/2007
06/01/2007 - 07/01/2007
07/01/2007 - 08/01/2007
08/01/2007 - 09/01/2007
09/01/2007 - 10/01/2007
10/01/2007 - 11/01/2007
11/01/2007 - 12/01/2007
12/01/2007 - 01/01/2008
01/01/2008 - 02/01/2008
02/01/2008 - 03/01/2008
03/01/2008 - 04/01/2008
04/01/2008 - 05/01/2008
05/01/2008 - 06/01/2008
06/01/2008 - 07/01/2008
07/01/2008 - 08/01/2008
08/01/2008 - 09/01/2008
09/01/2008 - 10/01/2008
10/01/2008 - 11/01/2008
11/01/2008 - 12/01/2008
12/01/2008 - 01/01/2009
01/01/2009 - 02/01/2009
02/01/2009 - 03/01/2009
03/01/2009 - 04/01/2009
04/01/2009 - 05/01/2009
05/01/2009 - 06/01/2009
06/01/2009 - 07/01/2009
07/01/2009 - 08/01/2009
08/01/2009 - 09/01/2009
09/01/2009 - 10/01/2009
10/01/2009 - 11/01/2009
11/01/2009 - 12/01/2009
12/01/2009 - 01/01/2010
01/01/2010 - 02/01/2010
02/01/2010 - 03/01/2010
03/01/2010 - 04/01/2010
04/01/2010 - 05/01/2010
05/01/2010 - 06/01/2010
06/01/2010 - 07/01/2010
07/01/2010 - 08/01/2010
08/01/2010 - 09/01/2010
09/01/2010 - 10/01/2010
10/01/2010 - 11/01/2010
11/01/2010 - 12/01/2010
12/01/2010 - 01/01/2011
01/01/2011 - 02/01/2011
02/01/2011 - 03/01/2011
03/01/2011 - 04/01/2011
04/01/2011 - 05/01/2011
05/01/2011 - 06/01/2011
06/01/2011 - 07/01/2011
07/01/2011 - 08/01/2011
08/01/2011 - 09/01/2011
09/01/2011 - 10/01/2011
10/01/2011 - 11/01/2011
11/01/2011 - 12/01/2011
12/01/2011 - 01/01/2012
01/01/2012 - 02/01/2012
02/01/2012 - 03/01/2012
03/01/2012 - 04/01/2012
04/01/2012 - 05/01/2012
05/01/2012 - 06/01/2012
06/01/2012 - 07/01/2012
07/01/2012 - 08/01/2012
08/01/2012 - 09/01/2012
09/01/2012 - 10/01/2012
10/01/2012 - 11/01/2012
11/01/2012 - 12/01/2012
12/01/2012 - 01/01/2013
01/01/2013 - 02/01/2013
02/01/2013 - 03/01/2013
03/01/2013 - 04/01/2013
04/01/2013 - 05/01/2013
05/01/2013 - 06/01/2013
06/01/2013 - 07/01/2013
07/01/2013 - 08/01/2013
08/01/2013 - 09/01/2013
09/01/2013 - 10/01/2013
10/01/2013 - 11/01/2013
11/01/2013 - 12/01/2013
12/01/2013 - 01/01/2014
01/01/2014 - 02/01/2014
02/01/2014 - 03/01/2014
03/01/2014 - 04/01/2014
04/01/2014 - 05/01/2014
05/01/2014 - 06/01/2014
06/01/2014 - 07/01/2014
07/01/2014 - 08/01/2014
08/01/2014 - 09/01/2014
09/01/2014 - 10/01/2014
10/01/2014 - 11/01/2014
11/01/2014 - 12/01/2014
12/01/2014 - 01/01/2015
01/01/2015 - 02/01/2015
02/01/2015 - 03/01/2015
03/01/2015 - 04/01/2015
04/01/2015 - 05/01/2015
05/01/2015 - 06/01/2015
06/01/2015 - 07/01/2015
07/01/2015 - 08/01/2015
08/01/2015 - 09/01/2015
09/01/2015 - 10/01/2015
10/01/2015 - 11/01/2015
11/01/2015 - 12/01/2015
12/01/2015 - 01/01/2016
01/01/2016 - 02/01/2016
02/01/2016 - 03/01/2016
03/01/2016 - 04/01/2016
04/01/2016 - 05/01/2016
05/01/2016 - 06/01/2016
06/01/2016 - 07/01/2016
07/01/2016 - 08/01/2016
08/01/2016 - 09/01/2016
09/01/2016 - 10/01/2016
10/01/2016 - 11/01/2016
11/01/2016 - 12/01/2016
12/01/2016 - 01/01/2017
01/01/2017 - 02/01/2017
02/01/2017 - 03/01/2017
03/01/2017 - 04/01/2017
04/01/2017 - 05/01/2017
05/01/2017 - 06/01/2017
06/01/2017 - 07/01/2017
07/01/2017 - 08/01/2017
08/01/2017 - 09/01/2017
09/01/2017 - 10/01/2017
10/01/2017 - 11/01/2017
11/01/2017 - 12/01/2017
12/01/2017 - 01/01/2018
01/01/2018 - 02/01/2018
02/01/2018 - 03/01/2018
03/01/2018 - 04/01/2018
04/01/2018 - 05/01/2018
05/01/2018 - 06/01/2018
06/01/2018 - 07/01/2018
07/01/2018 - 08/01/2018
08/01/2018 - 09/01/2018
09/01/2018 - 10/01/2018
10/01/2018 - 11/01/2018
11/01/2018 - 12/01/2018
12/01/2018 - 01/01/2019
01/01/2019 - 02/01/2019
02/01/2019 - 03/01/2019
03/01/2019 - 04/01/2019
04/01/2019 - 05/01/2019
05/01/2019 - 06/01/2019
06/01/2019 - 07/01/2019
07/01/2019 - 08/01/2019
08/01/2019 - 09/01/2019
09/01/2019 - 10/01/2019
10/01/2019 - 11/01/2019
11/01/2019 - 12/01/2019
12/01/2019 - 01/01/2020
01/01/2020 - 02/01/2020
02/01/2020 - 03/01/2020
03/01/2020 - 04/01/2020
04/01/2020 - 05/01/2020
05/01/2020 - 06/01/2020
06/01/2020 - 07/01/2020
07/01/2020 - 08/01/2020
08/01/2020 - 09/01/2020
09/01/2020 - 10/01/2020
10/01/2020 - 11/01/2020
11/01/2020 - 12/01/2020
12/01/2020 - 01/01/2021
02/01/2021 - 03/01/2021
03/01/2021 - 04/01/2021
04/01/2021 - 05/01/2021
05/01/2021 - 06/01/2021
06/01/2021 - 07/01/2021
07/01/2021 - 08/01/2021
08/01/2021 - 09/01/2021
09/01/2021 - 10/01/2021
10/01/2021 - 11/01/2021
11/01/2021 - 12/01/2021
12/01/2021 - 01/01/2022
01/01/2022 - 02/01/2022
02/01/2022 - 03/01/2022
03/01/2022 - 04/01/2022
04/01/2022 - 05/01/2022
05/01/2022 - 06/01/2022
06/01/2022 - 07/01/2022
07/01/2022 - 08/01/2022
08/01/2022 - 09/01/2022
09/01/2022 - 10/01/2022
10/01/2022 - 11/01/2022
11/01/2022 - 12/01/2022
12/01/2022 - 01/01/2023
01/01/2023 - 02/01/2023
02/01/2023 - 03/01/2023
03/01/2023 - 04/01/2023
04/01/2023 - 05/01/2023
05/01/2023 - 06/01/2023

Powered by Blogger