The Final Destination

You'd think since The Final Destination is the fourth film in the long-running horror franchise, the filmmakers would try to shake things up a little. You would be wrong. Aside from adding some 3D effects (which are only available in select theaters), director David R Ellis and screenwriter Eric Bress (both of whom worked on Final Destination 2) seem to be going through the motions. It follows the exact same plot as the previous movies, the gore scenes (the obvious selling point of the series) are frequently flat and uninspired, and not even the cast seem that involved. There are a lot of horror movies that fail to deliver any thrills, but this is the first in a while that also made me feel completely indifferent as well.

If you've seen any of the earlier films, you know the drill by now. A group of kids narrowly escape death, thanks to a psychic vision one of the kids has right before a terrible accident that should have taken their lives occurs. This time, the accident occurs during a car race, and the kid with the vision is bland nice guy Nick (played by bland and wooden newcomer Bobby Campo). His vision not only saves the life of him and the friends he was with, but also a few other bystanders. (Although, a woman who initially escapes from the carnage does get decapitated by a flying tire when she thinks she's safe.) The kids think they're safe, but we know better. We know that a mysterious invisible force (presumably Death itself) is going to start hunting the survivors down one-by-one, and killing them in the order that they were supposed to die the day of the accident. We know this, because it's the same thing that happened to the kids in Final Destination 1-3. Only now, things have been dumbed down considerably.

The kids at the center of the film don't go to school, don't have parents, jobs, or friends outside of each other. They've also been given the shallowest of personalities. Nick's the nice guy who's haunted by visions (which are represented by lame CG sequences), Lori (Shantel VanSanten) is his girlfriend, Hunt (Nick Zano) is the womanizing jerk of the group, and Janet (Haley Webb) is Lori's friend. We know that they exist to be killed in over the top ways, but couldn't the movie have given them something to do before their big scene? The only character who raises our interest is a security guard named George (Mykelti Williamson), who survives the accident thanks to Nick, and begins to wonder if maybe he should have died, as he feels deep guilt for a past drunk driving incident that claimed the life of his wife and child. His character arc could have brought some meaning to the story, but the movie has to speed right along and get to a scene where a character is crushed to death by a bathtub falling through the roof of his hospital room. (Shortly after this happens, George himself is hit by a semi truck.)

Other deaths include a racist redneck being dragged by his tow truck and catching on fire, a woman getting a rock shot through her skull by a lawnmower, the womanizing jerk character getting his guts sucked out of him by a pool drain, and even an explosion at a movie theater that personally brought back memories of the climax to last weekend's Inglourious Basterds. You would think that these sequences would at least be interesting, but they are frequently clumsily shot and filled with bad CG blood effects. The movie itself is barely 80 minutes long (including credits), so these unimpressive sequences are pushed into the foreground, since there's no time for characters or real dialogue. This is what turns The Final Destination into a total waste of time, especially if you end up paying almost $17 to watch the thing in 3D, as if having the blood fly off the screen will somehow make it a better movie. Whether the movie is in 2D or 3D, you still get some of the stiffest and lamest acting to hit a mainstream movie this year.

This is presumably the last film in the series, but it already seems to be on the way for a big opening weekend thanks to the 3D gimmick, so expect a fifth go-around sometime soon. Might I make a suggestion for the next movie? Have it be about Death invades the set of a Final Destination movie, starts killing off the actors, and the filmmakers try to hire him, because he's better at it than the stuff they come up with.

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