The 5th Annual Reel Stinkers Awards

It's New Year's Eve, and it's time to reflect on the year that was. Here at Reel Opinions, that means it's time to look back at the films that stole my time, and the time of anyone unfortunate enough to watch them. That's right, it's time for the 5th Annual Reel Stinkers Awards, where I "honor" the worst films of 2010.

As always, my "best of" list is still on the way, since there are still some films stuck in limited release that I will hopefully see. So, for now, sit back and relax as I roast these cinematic turkeys.



THE 10 WORST FILMS OF 2010:

10. YOU AGAIN - It seems to be a trend in Hollywood that every year, we get one female-targeted romantic comedy where a bunch of talented women get paid to act like idiots, perform tired slapstick gags, and basically tumble around and act like spoiled children. Case in point: In 2009, that movie was Bride Wars. In 2010, it was You Again, a dreadful and unfunny film that wastes the talents of Kristen Bell, Jamie Lee Curtis, Sigourney Weaver, and Betty White. They are supposed to be playing successful adults, but it's hard to picture them that way when the weary screenplay has them do nothing but scream, fight, fly about on the rafters, and tumble into and out of anything that could serve as a slapstick gag. It's not funny, and it's not amusing. It's just plain annoying.

09. THE LAST AIRBENDER - The career of once prolific filmmaker, M Night Shyamalan, has been in free fall for a while, but hit rock bottom with this misconceived, misdirected, and badly acted live action adaptation of a popular fantasy cartoon series on Nickelodeon. People who were unfortunate enough to walk into this movie without any knowledge of the cartoon were pretty much lost, as the film fails to explain most things. And when it does explain, it does so with endless, boring scenes where a character just stands there, spouting exposition dialogue for a good two minutes. Those who were familiar with the cartoon, on the other hand, were angered by the film, and how it left out key elements, and pretty much turned what was a lively and fun adventure story into a boring, broody mess, with actors who were more wooden and two dimensional than the original cartoon characters. The Last Airbender stands as one of the worst adaptations to come along in a while.

08. MY SOUL TO TAKE - 2010 was not a good year for horror filmmaker, Wes Craven. First, his classic film, A Nightmare on Elm Street, gets a watered down and mediocre remake that turned Freddy Krueger (one of the most charismatic and personable movie monsters ever invented) into a dreadful bore. Months later, Craven himself wrote and directed My Soul to Take, which stands as the single worst horror film of the year. It's an incoherent mess made up of half-baked ideas, stupid symbolism, and death scenes so amateurish, they seem like an afterthought. Nothing makes sense, the characters don't hold the slightest bit of interest, and the central mystery (a serial killer who may have or may not have returned from the dead) doesn't raise the slightest tension. And that's not even the film's worst offense. This movie was marketed as being in 3D, but there were absolutely no 3D effects whatsoever, nor was there anything in the film that would benefit from it. This film was a total con, stealing money from anyone unfortunate enough to see it.

07. COP OUT - A few weeks ago, when I reviewed The Tourist, I said that the on screen teaming of Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie was the worst celebrity team up of the year. How soon I had forgotten the dreaded misfire, Cop Out, which holds the distinct "honor" of worst on screen team by pairing up Bruce Willis with obnoxious comic actor Tracy Morgan. This is supposed to be a buddy movie, but these two actors don't even seem to like each other up on the screen. Willis seems bored, constantly looking like he wishes he was anywhere but shooting this movie. And Morgan just does his standard motormouth comic routine, completely ignoring Willis. This alone is bad enough, but combine with the fact that the movie is not even the slightest bit funny and painfully dull, and that nobody's heart seemed to be into making this film. Especially not the director, Kevin Smith, who seems lost at the reigns of a big budget cop comedy. He should stick to the smaller, dialogue-driven comedies he's known for.

06. OUR FAMILY WEDDING - Sometimes bad movies just sneak up on you. I hadn't even heard of or seen any advertising for this dated romantic comedy until it suddenly showed up at my local theater. Now I'm trying my hardest to forget it. The movie is about two ethnic families (one black, one Mexican) coming together when their respective son and daughter end up falling in love and marrying each other. The movie drowns itself in ethnic cartoon stereotypes, dated racist humor, and forcing talented actors forced to behave like idiotic children. The film's ultimate low point? A scene where respected actor and filmmaker, Forest Whitaker, is being humped by a goat who has trashed the wedding, and got into his supply of Viagra pills. I'm hoping he had a long, sad talk with his agent after shooting was finished that day.

05. SEX AND THE CITY 2 - The original Sex and the City movie certainly wasn't anything great. It was too long, and it was pretty much for the fans of the show only, but it was at least watchable. This ill-conceived sequel brought absolutely nothing, however. Even the fans couldn't find much to like. In this plotless and pointless follow up that nobody really asked for, the women from the TV show take a luxury vacation to Abu Dhabi, leave their husbands and loved ones behind so they can revel together in materialistic excess, and pretty much spend the length of the film acting like spoiled, vapid idiots. That's literally all there is to it. This movie's idea of a third act crisis is that there may not be any seats left in first class for their flight home. Cynical, narcissistic, and empty-headed, this ended up being one of the bigger box office disappointments of the summer movie season, and for good reason.

04. MACGRUBER - Saturday Night Live has a long history of failed attempts to bring their characters to the big screen. Their latest effort, MacGruber, is pretty much one big explanation as to why. This comedy (in theory, not in execution) follows the title character (played by Will Forte), a MacGyver wannabe, as he hunts down the evil Dieter Von Cunth (Val Kilmer). The film's main joke is that "Cunth" is pronounced without the "h" at the end. (Ho, ho) Other weary gags include MacGruber distracting the enemy by dancing around naked with a piece of celery stuck between his butt cheeks (which he later eats, of course), and MacGruber rounding up his team of macho tough guy soldiers, only to discover one of them is now gay. This is a tired, witless movie that fortunately came and went from theaters, so hardly anyone noticed it. But if you did happen to see it, you have my condolences.

03. JONAH HEX - Quite possibly the most incoherent movie of the year was Jonah Hex. Based on a DC comic book about a physically scarred bounty hunter (Josh Brolin) with the supernatural ability to speak to the dead after a near-death experience, which goes largely unexplained as to how or why this came about. He then spends the rest of the movie chasing after a villain named Quentin Turnbull (John Malkovich, who really should have known better), who is planning to kill the President with a super weapon powered by some glowing orange balls. What are these glowing orange balls? Once again, no explanation. The movie was severely edited before release, so the final version that played on screens only ran 75 minutes. Entire plot points were left on the cutting room floor, as were key scenes, so absolutely nothing up on the screen made any sense whatsoever. What did end up in the final film wasn't that great to begin with, so I don't think we missed much. Even if this movie made perfect sense and explained everything, Jonah Hex would still be one of the worst films of the year, thanks to its terrible performances, and Megan Fox's (as Jonah's prostitute girlfriend) shaky Southern accent.

02. LITTLE FOCKERS - This late year release came in just under the wire to be counted as one of the worst films of 2010, and it truly is. Little Fockers, a tired and painfully unfunny sequel to 2000's Meet the Parents and 2004's Meet the Fockers, casts its large and talented cast adrift in a moldy old sitcom plot that forces everyone to act like clueless idiots. The movie is not funny in any way ever. The cast (which includes the likes of Ben Stiller, Robert De Niro, Owen Wilson, Dustin Hoffman, Barbara Streisand, Harvey Keitel, and other actors who really should have known better) are given absolutely nothing to do but act like total morons, and perform tired pratfalls and gross-out humor involving erectile dysfunction jokes and projectile vomiting. A huge embarrassment for everyone involved, and a total waste of time and talent. With movies like True Grit and Black Swan playing over the Christmas holidays, there's no reason for audiences to subject themselves to Little Fockers.

01. STANDING OVATION - Remember when I said earlier that sometimes bad movies sneak up on you? Well, nobody could have seen this one coming. It arrived during the summer with absolutely no hype, fanfare, or real advertising. Heck, the most it played on was some 600 screens its opening weekend. How or why my theater got it, I have no idea, but it did. And as soon as I saw it, I knew I was watching the absolute worst film of the year. Standing Ovation follows two singing groups made up of teenage girls competing against each other in a music video contest for the grand prize of a million dollars and a recording contract. The concept is nothing new, but this is easily the most dimwitted and amateurish example of it I have seen in many a moon. The acting is terrible all across the board, the girls themselves are underdeveloped and unlikable in every way, the music performances (obviously intended to be the highlights of the film) are generic and unmemorable, and it holds the distinction of having the single most annoying character in any movie this year, a little girl who calls herself Alanna Wannabe (played by Alanna Palombo), and spends the entire movie shrieking about how she's going to be a star someday, and trying to break into different music acts. The only joy I got out of Standing Ovation is the knowledge that hardly anyone saw it, or even knows of its existence. I wish I could be so lucky.

Now that the worst of the worst is out of the way, it's time to move onto the Dishonorable Mentions. The films that didn't quite crack the Top 10, but should still be avoided. Act with caution if you should come across any of these movies at your favorite DVD rental store. They can be quite painful if you should subject yourself to them...


DISHONORABLE MENTIONS:

The Book of Eli, The Spy Next Door, Dear John, Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief, The Bounty Hunter, Diary of a Wimpy Kid, The Last Song, Why Did I Get Married Too, Death at a Funeral, The Back-Up Plan, Furry Vengeance, Grown Ups, Cats and Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore, Step Up 3D, Vampires Suck, Going the Distance, Resident Evil: Afterlife, Paranormal Activity 2, Skyline, Burlesque, Faster, The Tourist, Yogi Bear


THE INDIVIDUAL REEL STINKERS AWARDS:

WORST SEQUEL:
Little Fockers

MOST UNNECESSARY SEQUEL:
Tie between Cats and Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore and Step Up 3D

WORST PERFORMANCE BY A RESPECTED ACTOR/ACTRESS:
Robert De Niro in Little Fockers

WORST OVERALL PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR/ACTRESS:
Alanna Palombo in Standing Ovation

WORST TREND IN MOVIES IN 2010:
3D films

WORST USE OF 3D:
My Soul to Take, with Clash of the Titans and The Last Airbender being very close runner ups

WORST REMAKE:
Death at a Funeral

WORST IDEA FOR A MOVIE THAT NEVER COULD HAVE WORKED:
MacGruber

REPEAT OFFENDERS (ACTORS WHO HAVE APPEARED IN MORE THAN ONE STINKER IN 2010):
Tracy Morgan in Cop Out and Death at a Funeral

WORST ON-SCREEN TEAM:
Tie between Bruce Willis and Tracy Morgan in Cop Out, and Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie in The Tourist

MOVIE BLOCKBUSTER THAT DIDN'T DESERVE TO BE:
Alice in Wonderland

STUDIO THAT RELEASED THE MOST STINKERS IN 2010:
Warner Bros. for giving us Cop Out, Sex and the City 2 (through their New Line label), Jonah Hex, The Book of Eli, Cats and Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore, Going the Distance, and Yogi Bear

So, that's the worst of 2010 in a nutshell. Mistakes were obviously made, but we can only hope that the people involved with these duds will get to make a good movie in 2011.

Have a great year, and happy viewing to you all!

0 comments