Your Highness

I wonder if there is an audience for a movie like Your Highness. Is there a big demand for films that try to spoof cheesy 80s fantasy epics like Conan, Krull, and Willow? Well, perhaps I should be more specific. Is there a big demand for films that don't even bother to spoof the films I mentioned above, and instead reference their plots, then throw in a lot of four letter words and drug humor? This is a tired and weary one-joke movie, and that joke is everyone in the movie talks and acts like they're in a fantasy epic, except for the main character, who reacts to everything with modern day sarcastic quips and obscenities.

That would be Thadeous (Danny McBride), the slacker Prince of a faraway kingdom, and the constant embarrassment to his father, King Tallious (Charles Dance). While Thadeous' brother, the noble and daring Prince Fabious (James Franco), is off righting wrongs and saving maidens from towers, Thadeous prefers to stay behind at the castle, smoking weed, and hanging out with his best friend and personal servant, Courtney (Rasmus Hardiker). The plot (such as it is) kicks off when Fabious returns victorious from his latest mission. He has saved the lovely Princess Belladonna (Zooey Deschanel, who is given nothing to do in her thankless role) from an evil cyclops, and plans to marry her. As the kingdom launches into a lavish celebration, it is suddenly interrupted by the arrival of the evil warlock, Leezar (Justin Theroux). It seems that Leezar was the one who captured the Princess in the first place, and wants her back. The villain escapes with Belladonna, and now Fabious must go on another perilous quest to save her, this time accompanied by his brother Thadeous, who has never gone on a quest before.

It's a serviceable set up for a fantasy spoof, but the problem is Your Highness never really does anything funny with it. We're supposed to laugh at the fact that Thadeous is completely out of place from everything and everyone else around him. This might be funny in a different movie, but the screenplay credited to McBride and his writing partner Ben Best never really goes beyond that simple idea. (Actually, there are reports that the script was pretty much tossed out on the set, and most of the film was improvised.) And when it does go beyond that simple idea and actually tries to spoof conventions of the fantasy genre, it's juvenile and boring. Take the scene when the brothers seek guidance from a wise old wizard (voice by Mario Torres, Jr.), a CG creature that kind of looks like Yoda crossed with a catfish. We learn that the wizard is a child molesting pervert, and that Fabious spent much time with the creature as a little boy.

I'm not against crude humor, I'm only against it when it's boring, as is the case here. The movie thinks it's shocking that the characters keep on using four letter words, but using those words alone aren't enough to get a laugh or to get a reaction. In fact, what shocked me more than the juvenile script is the fact that it looks like a lot of money went into this production. This is a big budget film, with impressive sets and effects. These are real and likable actors up on the screen being forced to say the banal dialogue and jokes. Heck, Natalie Portman, fresh off her Oscar win, shows up as the Warrior Princess Isabel, who also seeks revenge on the evil warlock and joins the brothers on their quest. She is given little to do here, and should thank her lucky stars that this movie came out after the Oscar voters filled out the ballots. Speaking of having little to do, Deschanel as the Princess mainly gets to sit around and wait for Leezar to rape her as part of an evil ceremony that will give him power.

Even the director, David Gordon Green, is better than the material. Up until his last film, Pineapple Express, he was known for independent small films. While I have no problem with a filmmaker branching out and trying to go mainstream, I have to wonder what he saw in this project. What did anyone involved see in this project, for that matter? I sat there, hoping that the next scene would hold the answer, but it never did. Instead of an answer, I got a man who cuts off the penis of a minotaur, and wears it around his neck like a trophy. It's right about this time that I realized this was basically a very dirty kid's movie. With its juvenile humor aimed at 13-year-olds, and its fantasy setting filled with dragons, wizards, and magic, the movie seems to be targeted at a much younger audience than those who can usually get into an R-rated movie.

Your Highness speaks to nobody old enough to pay to get in, only to those who are young enough to sneak in without paying. I can only hope that the cast and crew had fun making it, so that something good came out of it being made. It had to have been more fun to make than it is watch. At least the actors on the screen got paid. All the audience gets to do is look at their watches.

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