Jack the Giant Slayer
Watching the film, it's clear that director Bryan Singer and his team poured a huge load of money into this project. I've heard reports of around $200 million. The movie looks great, and when our young hero Jack (played here by Nicholas Hoult from the recent Warm Bodies) is climbing the massive beanstalk to the world of the Giants, the effect is dizzying and quite a marvel. And when the army of Giants descend down to earth in order to wage war on the humans below, I got excited. Well, sort of. I never felt a genuine rush watching the film. While the Giants themselves are impressively designed and animated, they seem very familiar. They sound familiar too. Probably because they look and talk awfully close to the trolls we saw in Peter Jackson's The Hobbit back in December. For all of its impressive imagery and money, this is a surprisingly hollow spectacle. We see these massive creatures stomping across the land, but there is no impact, because the movie never allows the Giants to be anything more than just literal walking special effects.
The plot involving the human characters is sadly as weightless as the effects. It follows a familiar pattern used by many a Disney animated film. In fact, were it not for the surprisingly strong, though bloodless, violence and a completely unnecessary use of an "F-Bomb" at one point, Jack the Giant Slayer (which is rated PG-13) could have been a great movie for little kids. Jack is a poor farm boy who is sent by his Uncle into the nearby kingdom to sell their horse and cart for money to fix their leaky roof. While in the city, Jack is distracted by a lovely woman, who it turns out is Princess Isabelle (Eleanor Tomlinson), who routinely sneaks out of her father's castle so that she can mingle with commoners and go on adventures. Her father, the king (Ian McShane), is at the end of his rope, and is tired of having to send his men out to fetch her whenever she runs away. Maybe she keeps on running away because he's forcing her to marry one of his trusted advisers, Roderick (Stanley Tucci), who we immediately know is up to no good, thanks to his weaselly grin and pointy facial hair.
Indeed, it appears that the sneaky Roderick is plotting to overthrow the king, and plans to do so by following an ancient legend, regarding a kingdom of Giants who live in the sky above. It's said that Giants can be controlled with the use of a magical crown that once belonged to a good king from long ago. He has the crown, now all he needs are some magic beans so he can reach the massive beasts, and lead them in an invasion campaign on the kingdom. Jack gets a hold of said beans when he sells his horse to a monk in town, and you can figure out what happens next. The beans grow into a massive beanstalk, which sends Jack's house shooting up into the sky. Unfortunately, Princess Isabelle just happened to be inside the house when this happens. And so, Jack must venture up into the sky, along with one of the king's most trusted knights, Elmont (Ewan McGregor), and the evil Roderick, who schemes pretty much his whole way up the beanstalk without anyone noticing.
By this point, we're anxious to see the Giants, and ready for some much needed wonder. When we finally get some face time with the monsters, they're a big disappointment. The Giants are a largely personality-deprived bunch. They're not scary, they're not funny, and despite their size, they're not that interesting to look at. Each of the Giants do have their own unique look (i.e. one of them has two heads), which is a blessing really, since it's the only way to tell them apart. As villains, the Giants are largely lacking in motivation. We know that they want revenge on the humans, after they banished them back to the sky in a war long ago. Said revenge seems to consist mainly of stomping around, picking people up, and biting off their heads. Not the best strategy. With their lack of personality and motivation, it doesn't take long for us to see the creatures for what they really are - a very expensive special effects demo that looks sort of neat, but really leaves no lasting impression.
It also doesn't take long until we see the movie for what it is - a hollow little spectacle that is a total in one ear and out the other experience. None of the visuals or set pieces stick with you once it's over. It's one of those movies that once it's over, pretty much has killed two hours or so, and done little else. Its intentions are obviously to be a fast-paced special effects thrill ride, but the movie is never thrilling enough. Why spend so much money on this project, when so very little happens? The biggest support to this argument would be the film's underwhelming climax, where everything gets resolved so easily, you wonder why the Giants bothered climbing down that beanstalk to fight with the humans in the first place. The whole thing moves at a quick enough pace, and is never boring, but it simply disappears like vapor as it goes along. None of it leaves a lasting impression, and when it's over, you struggle to find things to talk about.
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