White House Down

 

I tried to resist, reader, I really did.  Watching White House Down, I knew that I was watching one of the silliest and downright dumbest action movies to come along in a long time.  And you know what?  I loved every brain-numbing minute.  Yes, the movie is implausible, ridiculous, completely mindless, and needlessly violent.  It also knows this, and is more than willing to poke fun at itself with a sly sense of humor.  By the time the President of the United States picked up a rocket launcher and started firing at terrorists, I stopped even trying to critique this movie, and just started laughing and enjoying myself.

So, here we are with our second "White House gets taken over by terrorists" movie of 2013.  The first, Olympus Has Fallen, was certainly no masterpiece, but it was kind of tense, had some good action, and the best work from Gerard Butler in a long time.  White House Down is no masterpiece either.  In fact, it's even less of one.  But the beauty is, it knows it's not, and doesn't even try to be taken seriously.  This is a big, loud, goofy movie that's not afraid to admit that it's big, loud, and goofy.  I think a lot of this credit has to go to director Roland Emmerich, who is no stranger to silly spectacle movies.  Heck, he's not even a stranger to blowing up the White House, having directed Independence Day back in 1996.  He fills the movie with enough explosions, action, and narrow escapes to keep things exciting.  He also adds a little something else that helps - a sense of humor to let the audience know he's in on the joke.

In describing the plot, I'm sure a lot of critics will be snarky, and describe it as "a remake of the original Die Hard, only set in the White House, instead of a high rise".  I'll go one step further, and say it's a wonderfully silly and gloriously stupid remake of the original Die Hard.  Channing Tatum has the "John McClane" role as the regular guy in the wrong place at the wrong time.  He's Cale, a guy who just happens to be at the White House for a job interview as a Secret Service agent.  The woman giving the interview is an ex of his named Finnerty (Maggie Gyllenhaal), so naturally, he does not get the job.  Cale is also at the White House to take the tour with his 11-year-old daughter, Emily (Joey King), who is obsessed with the current President, Sawyer (Jamie Foxx).  Despite the name change, President Sawyer is essentially Obama, complete with the beautiful wife and teenage daughter.  He even chomps on nicotine gum when he gets nervous.

It seems to be an ordinary day at the White House, until a team of extremist terrorists break in, and pretty much take control of the White House in a matter of seconds.  Who knew it was that easy?  President Sawyer is quickly captured by the bad guys, when it turns out the head of the President's security is working with the terrorists, and is actually the mastermind behind the whole scheme.  This doesn't come as much of a shock to us, because the head of security is played by none other than James Woods.  Who else is he going to play in a movie like this other than a backstabbing creep with his own motives?  Amongst the chaos, Cale manages to escape from the terrorists taking hostages, find the President, and begins guiding him to safety.  All the while, his plucky young daughter starts sneaking around the White House, secretly getting video footage of what's going on inside, and putting it on her Youtube channel, where it goes viral.  Naturally, she's eventually found out and captured, because a movie like this needs a child in peril.

Should you walk into White House Down with a shred of logic, you will be fighting a losing battle.  The only way you can enjoy this movie is by just laughing at the absurdity up on the screen.  Good thing the movie is laughing with us.  With a bit more effort, this could almost be a Naked Gun-style spoof of action movies.  In its present form, however, I still view it as a comedy.  Cale and the President swap one-liners and comedic jabs back and forth to each other like a couple of old pros.  The villains are cartoonishly incompetent.  And the movie features such hilariously over the top action sequences, like when Cale is driving the President's armored limo around in circles on the White House lawn, while the President fires a rocket launcher at the terrorists chasing after them in their own armored vehicles.  If you read that last sentence and pictured in your head a deadly serious action thriller, you have problems I don't want to know about.

This is a fine example of cinematic cheese.  It really has no right to work, but it somehow does.  Look, I love a good movie as much as the next person, but sometimes, I find myself hungry for cheese.  I guess this was one of those times.  I found myself embracing the implausible scenarios, the half-baked characters with transparent motives that can be seen from space, and the big dumb explosions.  I even found myself embracing the particularly stupid moment when Cale's daughter winds up saving the day with her flag-twirling skills she used in a school talent show.  I have a hunch that when screenwriter James Vanderbilt (The Amazing Spider-Man) was dreaming this stuff up, he was laughing himself silly.  Something tells me so were the actors.  This must have been a fun movie to make.

 

Look, I'm almost certain I'll get some flak for this review, but I don't care.  White House Down entertained me in its own stupid little way.  It's a guilty pleasure in the truest sense of the word.  If you're looking for a movie where Channing Tatum as a John McClane wannabe guns down a lot of bad guys with an Obama impersonator, look no further.  Just shut your brain off and enjoy.

See the movie times in your area or buy the DVD at Amazon.com!

0 comments