A Million Ways to Die in the West

In 2013, Seth MacFarlane proved that he had no place hosting the Oscars.  Now, just one year later, he proves he has no place serving as a leading man in a movie.  A Million Ways to Die in the West seems to realize this, so it surrounds his performance with an interesting cast that includes the likes of Neil Patrick Harris, Liam Neeson, Amanda Seyfried, Charlize Theron, Giovanni Ribisi and Sarah Silverman.  That's Step 1.  The movie fails to reach Step 2, which is to give that cast something to do.

This is a lumbering and deadly dull vanity project that MacFarlane not only stars in, but also directs, co-wrote, and produced.  After the surprise smash success of his 2012 feature, Ted, the studio obviously gave him free reign to make any kind of movie he wanted.  As so often happens under these circumstances, the project seems to have gotten out of control.  Something tells me those reigns will be a little tighter the next time MacFarlane wants to make a movie.  As a comedy, it's largely charmless and seldom funny.  It tries to be "shocking" by showing us graphic close ups of sheep sexual organs, and the sight of a man violating another man's cowboy hat by dropping a load of the brown stuff inside it.  Again, I say that's Step 1.  A better movie would have thought of something clever or funny to do with these images.

The plot is set in a frontier town in Arizona in 1882.  Our hero is Albert (MacFarlane), a timid sheep rancher who hates the Old West, and can never seem to shut up about how much he hates it.  As the title suggests, the frontier is a dangerous place, with everything from wild animals to deadly anal diseases trying to kill you.  Albert does not belong in the Old West, and MacFarlane's performance does not belong in this movie.  He comes across as being too smug to be playing a mild mannered guy.  He looks and talks like a Hollywood power broker who just got out of a meeting, slipped on a cowboy hat, and wandered onto the set of the movie when the cameras started rolling.  His decision to cast himself in the lead role is a grievous misstep that the film never recovers from.

Early on, Albert is dumped by his girlfriend, Louise (Amanda Seyfried), who leaves him for a mustached fop named Foy (Neil Patrick Harris, energetic here, but not given much to work with).  Albert mopes around a lot over his broken heart, until a mysterious new beauty named Anna (Charlize Theron) rides into town.  She takes an instant liking to the guy, starts working on building his confidence, and even teaches him how to shoot a gun, since it turns out she's a pretty skilled crack shot.  Of course she is, because Anna happens to be married to the meanest gunslinger in the West, Clinch Leatherwood (Liam Neeson).  When Clinch rides into town and discovers someone has been getting close to his woman, he goes all out to challenge Albert to a gun duel.

A Million Ways to Die in the West tries to stretch out its flimsy premise with a number of celebrity cameos, the best of which has already been spoiled by the film's ad campaign.  This is a bad move on the part of the publicity department, as it ruins one of the few genuine surprises the film holds. The rest of the movie is torturously tedious, as it slogs through familiar territory of Albert slowly becoming more sure of himself, and falling in love with the beautiful Anna.  There are even long stretches where McFarlane seems to forget that he's making a comedy, and tries his luck at making a serious Western.  To be fair, the movie is beautifully shot.  But it's hard to care about that when there's little interesting going on in front of those picturesque landscapes.

There is some potential for laughs, but the movie kills it by repeating the same jokes and ideas over and over.  For example, the first time we're introduced to Albert's best friend, Edward (Giovanni Ribisi), and we learn that his prostitute fiance (Sarah Silverman) has sex with dozens of men every day, yet refuses to let her husband have sex with her until their wedding night ("because she's a Christian"), I smiled.  But the movie doesn't go any further than that with the characters, or the idea.  It just repeats the gag again each time we see them.  But the laziest part of the film is that it doesn't even really bother to go after the Western genre or its cliches.  The movie is really just a random series of gags and toilet humor set before an Old West backdrop.  The thing that made something like Blazing Saddles work is that it had a satirical target and an agenda.  It had something it wanted to poke fun at.  MacFarlane doesn't have a target, so the jokes seem aimless.

At nearly two hours in length, A Million Ways to Die in the West is not just a joke stretched too far, it's a joke that's not even funny to begin with stretched too far.  MacFarlane has done better, and will likely get the chance to do better again.  This feels like the kind of project where nobody bothered to stop and ask the guy behind it, "Are you sure this is such a good idea?"

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