Mother's Day

I have a few questions regarding Mother's Day.  First, from what deep pit of romantic comedy sitcom hell did this movie spawn from?  Second, how does a movie this insulting even get made?  And third, what possessed talented people like Julia Roberts, Jennifer Aniston, Jason Sudeikis and Kate Hudson to get involved with it?  Did they all lose a bet?  This is the kind of script actors who are struggling are supposed to get saddled with.  The movie is directed by Garry Marshall, and I know he has a reputation for being one of the nicest guys in Hollywood to work with.  But no matter how great of a guy he is, nothing can excuse this movie.

Here is a film filled with one improbable scene after another.  Want some examples?  How about the scene where a frustrated ex-wife (played by Jennifer Aniston) is venting about her anger over her ex-husband falling in love with a much younger woman to a birthday party clown, who gives her sage advice about love and relationships?  Or how about the thrilling car chase scene between an out of control RV, a parade float made to look like a giant paper mache vagina, and a couple police squad vehicles?  Oh, here's a doozy.  How about a scene where two characters fall in love while their hands are stuck in a hospital vending machine?  Hey, actors, don't forget to hold up those boxes of M&Ms and Skittles candies to the camera in order to get the product placement shot in!  Why are these characters at the hospital in the first place?  Well, her youngest boy just had an asthma attack, and he broke his leg falling backwards off a deck while performing a karaoke rap song at a mother's day party for his two young daughters.  Yes.

Oh, did I forget to mention that after this character falls and breaks his leg, we get a random black woman saying, "This is why white people shouldn't rap"?  And I haven't even mentioned my two "favorite" characters in the film - a middle aged redneck couple from Texas (played by Margo Martindale and Robert Pine) who are homophobic and racist, and decide to drop in for a surprise visit on their two adult daughters who they have not seen in years, only to find out that one of them (Kate Hudson) is married to an Indian man named Russell (Aasif Mandvi), and the other (Sarah Chalke) is in a lesbian relationship.  The parents storm out angry, but because their RV breaks down, they are forced to stay.  Naturally, they slowly begin to accept the lifestyles of their daughters, but it's as forced and as phony as anything I have ever seen. (The mother meets Russell's Indian mother, who lives in Vegas, and they bond over their love of gambling.) But before that happens, the movie tries to get laughs by having the racist parents call Russell "towelhead".  I honestly hope that this is the most uncomfortable movie I will have to sit through in 2016, because I don't know if I can take another one like this.

I'd better talk about the plot now, because if I keep on listing this film's improbable moments, we'll be here all day.  If you've seen Garry Marshall's Valentine's Day or New Year's Eve, then you know the drill with Mother's Day.  There's a bunch of intersecting plots and characters all built around the days leading up to the titular holiday.  Jennifer Aniston is Sandy, a woman who finds out her ex-husband (Timothy Olyphant) is planning to marry his much-younger girlfriend, Tina (Shay Mitchell).  In the meantime, Sandy is trying to get a job working for Miranda (Julia Roberts), a star on the Home Shopping Network who sells bad jewelry.  For some reason, Roberts is forced to wear the most hideous and fake looking wig in all of her scenes.  In other plots, we have a single dad named Bradley (Jason Sudeikis), who is trying to raise two preteen daughters on his own after their military mom (Jennifer Garner, who gets off lucky, and only has to appear for a few seconds in home video footage) died in action, and the family is about to face their first Mother's Day without her.  He has a few run-ins with Aniston off and on throughout the movie, which is supposed to make us think they're meant to get together.  But, it's not until he helps her get her hand unstuck from the vending machine that sparks begin to fly.

Meanwhile, there's young Kristen (Britt Robertson), a woman in love with Zack (Jack Whitehall), a wannabe stand up comedian.  They have a baby together, but she has commitment issues and doesn't want to marry him, because her mother abandoned her and put her up for adoption when she was a baby.  Zack, on the other hand, is trying to win a comedy club contest that's giving away a huge cash prize.  When it's time for him to take the stage, he gets stuck with the baby, so he has to go on stage with the little tyke in his arms.  Even though he doesn't really tell any jokes, the audience falls in love with him because he has the baby on stage with him.  Both Kristen and Zack work at a bar called Shorty's, because the owner of the bar is a short person.  Oh, and there's an obese guy who turns up in the movie, so obviously he's called Tiny.

Is there anyone reading this review who thinks this sounds like a remotely plausible movie?  Heck, I don't think these ideas credited to three different screenwriters could have seemed plausible or even workable on paper.  Blown up on the big screen, and seeing these likable actors drudging through material like this is akin to watching your friends and family have to wallow through mud.  It's depressing, and you just want it to stop as quickly as possible.  But Mother's Day drags on for two interminable hours.  There's not a single moment that isn't calculated, manipulative, sappy or idiotic.  Watching this movie, you almost feel like the people involved have never even seen a movie in their lives.  Yet, there are a lot of professionals both on and behind the camera.  Heck, Garry Marshall has 18 feature films to his credit.  But you wouldn't know that here.

Mother's Day is simply insulting.  It's insulting to its namesake holiday, insulting to mothers in general, and insulting to the intelligence of anyone who watches it.  But hey, at least it has a happy ending!  People fall in love, families are reunited, and the movie ends.  I liked that last part the best.

See the movie times in your area or buy the DVD at Amazon.com!

0 comments