Men in Black: International

I feel the need to ask, is there anyone who still anticipates the Men in Black movies?  I ask this not to be snarky, but because I am genuinely curious.  This feels like a franchise stuck in a time warp, repeating the same gags and ideas over and over, and acting like we've never seen them before.  Much like last weekend's Dark Phoenix, this comes across as lukewarm leftovers of a franchise that is long past its inspiration.

Men in Black: International tries to shake things up by introducing two new stars, Chris Hemsworth and Tessa Thompson, who play Agents H and M, respectively.  You might remember that Hemsworth and Thompson worked wonderfully together a couple years ago in Thor: Ragnarok.  Obviously, the filmmakers thought that they could recapture the magic they had there, but no such luck, as the movie doesn't allow them to build a real on-screen relationship.  There are hints at a partnership growing, but I was never convinced.  And even though they are new characters, they're basically playing the same roles that Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones filled in the earlier movies.  Thompson is the brash young newcomer who acts as our eyes into the world of the M.I.B.  Of course, we've seen this world in three previous films, so it's not as thrilling to us as it is to her.  Still, the movie acts like it's all new to us.  Hemsworth is the grizzled veteran who's seen it all.  We're supposed to fall in love with these characters the same way we did with the original stars back in 1997, but to me, they came across as cheap knock offs.

The characters they play might be new, but their material is old hat.  They shoot at slimy aliens with great big blaster guns, they exchange witty and sarcastic banter non-stop, and they drive around in alien cars and motorcycles that can convert into flying machines.  Again, nothing new is done.  Screenwriters Matt Holloway and Art Marcum must have had a marathon screening of the earlier entries, and made up a list of what elements they should include.  But rather than create a new spin or do a fresh take, they just repeat the movies verbatim.  The main thrill of the Men in Black films have always been the aliens that would be dreamed up.  This time, very few have an actual role to play, with most reduced to cameos.  The only one who is given anything to do in the plot is a tiny alien named Pawny (voice by Kumail Nanjiani), a creature who fits in your pocket, and acts as a comic relief sidekick for the two human stars.  He might have worked, if the movie had given him anything funny or interesting to say.

As for the plot, the movie doesn't seem to care very much, so neither does the audience.  There's some kind of alien weapon that an evil shape-shifting race known as The Hive wants in order to destroy the Earth.  There also might be a Mole within the Men in Black, feeding information to the evil aliens.  If you actually care to guess the identity, just look for the instantly recognizable famous actor who works for the organization, and is given nothing to do for a majority of the film.  There's actually two of them, but it's still pretty easy to guess which one it is.  This continues to show just how little this movie cares.  The plot carries no weight in the film itself.  Even with the threat of total extermination, the M.I.B. act like nothing is amiss most of the time.  I know these guys are supposed to have seen it all, but if you want the audience to get invested, you have to at least act like this stuff matters just a little.

As I sit here writing, I am thinking back over the movie in mind, trying to find something that is new, original or clever, and I come up empty.  Men in Black: International offers no inspiration of any kind, and acts as a black hole designed to suck up the audience's money, time and attention, without giving them anything worthwhile in return.  I'd like to say more about this movie, but...Wait, no I wouldn't. 

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