Countdown

Remember how back in the 2000s we got a string of horror movies about how technology was trying to kill us?  There was of course The Ring, with its cursed video tape.  We also got One Missed Call, with its voice messages from the future that would tell you how you would die.  And who can forget Pulse, where computers were somehow able to open a portal to the realm of the dead.  Countdown will seem very familiar if you've watched any of those movies, with the only difference being that, unlike the three I mentioned, it's not a remake of an Asian horror movie.

That doesn't mean that there's much original about this wannabe thriller where people download an app that counts down the years, days, hours, minutes and seconds to your inevitable demise.  In fact, writer-director Justin Dec (an editor and Production Assistant making his feature length filmmaking debut) seems all too happy to stick to the familiar shocks of loud noises on the soundtrack, and CG demons lurking in the shadows, until they naturally pop out and scream at our lead heroes, only to disappear.  The only original note that Dec strikes with his screenplay is that instead of a grizzled old Priest who comes forth to battle the evil demons, we get a young, pop culture-obsessed Priest (P.J. Byrne) who comes across as what would happen if your standard comic book and video game-obsessed nerd decided to join the Priesthood because it meant he could battle demons.

Maybe if he had hit on a few more ideas like this, the movie could have worked as a guilty pleasure.  Instead, we get an all-too familiar tread through ancient thriller cliches about young people making one bad decision after another.  Our lead heroine is Quinn (Elizabeth Lail), a young nurse who finds herself working under a smarmy and slimy doctor (Peter Facinelli) who attempts to rape her in the room of a comatose patient, and then later gets her fired when he accuses her of coming on to him.  And no, this subplot about this doctor has little bearing on the film itself, until the character is shoehorned in during the third act climax.  Of bigger concern to the film, Quinn has recently downloaded the Countdown app to her phone, which tells her she has only two days to live.  She is skeptical at first, but then a young patient who also downloaded the app and learned he only had hours to live dies in a mysterious accident in the hospital stairwell.

We eventually learn that the app is a tool of the Devil himself.  When it's your time to go, a dark demon shows up and drags you away to your death.  How can you avoid this fate?  You have to read the User Agreement, which explains in detail how to avoid or delay the death curse.  Of course!  If you were a supernatural evil trying to claim more souls, wouldn't you hide this valuable information in the part of the app that nobody pays attention to?  So eventually we get Quinn, her younger sister Jordan (Talitha Eliana Bateman) and handsome stranger Matt (Jordan Calloway) trying to cheat death by any means possible.  Naturally, in order for there to be a movie in the first place, they have to make every wrong decision possible.  This includes hiding under the bed when there is a demonic hellspawn at your door, and stepping outside of a protective circle that keeps the demons at bay, because you think you see the ghost of your little brother.

Countdown doesn't try to take itself too seriously.  It not only gives us a goofy young priest, but also a sarcastic cell phone salesman for comic relief.  I almost wished the movie had gone all the way, and just been a parody of thrillers.  But, I'm afraid that the filmmakers do intend this to be scary.  Aside from a snarky comment once in a while, we get a lot of scenes where characters step into dark hallways and bathrooms so that they can be menaced by personal ghosts from their troubled pasts.  Why the demonic app forces you to see ghosts of loved ones, the movie never explains.  It all comes across as lame and tired thriller tropes that we've seen one too many times.  This is also one of those movies where nobody can walk up to anyone without slamming on glass, or grabbing them forcefully, only to instantly say, "Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to scare you".

Due to its PG-13 rating, the movie is rather bloodless, which means it will be perfect for preteens who want something to watch over the Halloween weekend.  Will they fall for it?  The filmmakers certainly think so, as the ending hints at a sequel.  Unless it's a prequel where we get to see how the forces of evil came up with the idea for this app, I'm not interested.

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