Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard

If 2017's The Hitman's Bodyguard was an affectionate and funny tribute to mismatched buddy action comedies of the 80s and early 90s, then the awkwardly-titled Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard (Yes, there's no "The" in the title.) is an all too modern day cash-in where the original made a lot of money, and the original director, writer, and main cast have returned for the encore, but are embarrassed to discover that they have nothing to say or do for their unexpected and obviously unplanned follow up.

The first movie mainly worked on the dynamic chemistry that Ryan Reynolds, Samuel L. Jackson and Selma Hayek shared together.  Here they are once again, only they've been plugged into a generic plot that no one in the audience could ever care about, and the connection these actors had with each other and to their characters is now completely absent.  Antonio Banderas is here too in the villain role, as is Morgan Freeman in an extended cameo, but they're given little if anything to do as well.  So, what are we left with?  A bunch of over the top action that is hyper edited and too fast for the mind to sometimes comprehend what is going on, and jokes that simply don't land like before.  This feels like an early January release that somehow got bumped into a prime summer release date, because the studio needed something to try to lure in people back to theaters, and are playing on the memories people have from before.  Don't buy it.

Reynolds and Jackson once again play former AAA-rated bodyguard Michael Bryce, and deadly hitman Darius Kincaid, respectively.  They're reunited when Kincaid's wife, Sonia (Hayek), forcefully interrupts Michael's vacation, and pulls him into a mission to save her husband from some generic bad guys.  The characters they're playing are just as foul-mouthed as before, almost as if the screenwriters were getting paid extra for each obscenity they slipped in the dialogue.  What's missing is the connection, and a reason for us to care about them and what's going on.  They soon get wrapped up in a plot where they have to stop a Greek villain named Aristotle Papadopolous (Banderas) whose scheme is to use a giant diamond drill that will wipe out all of the energy throughout Europe, thus making Greece the center of civilization again, or some such nonsense.  The motives of the villain, the reasons why these characters have to stop him, and why anyone even cares is thin at best.

The movie throws in one endless and unmemorable action sequence after another, while it blasts old pop music on the soundtrack, but it's all a lot of sound and fury.  What the movie never does is give us a reason to be engaged or entertained.  Reynolds is basically giving his usual sarcastic nice guy act here, combined with some physical comedy where he gets hit by a car twice, shot in the chest, drugged, and basically knocked around like he's a human rag doll for most of his laughs.  Jackson and Hayek basically constantly swear and scream, but never come close to saying anything funny.  This is a movie where you simply watch in silent puzzlement.  What did the filmmakers think they were making here?  Was this really the best script they could come up with?

Maybe the real answer here is that The Hitman's Bodyguard worked just fine as a stand-alone movie, and did not need a follow up, let alone one as uninspired as this.  The one saving grace is that the movie is so fast and rapidly edited that it seems to fly by in less than an hour, almost as if the director was as anxious to get this over with as I was.  Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard gives you a bad feeling from the title, and only gets worse from there.

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