Ambulance

Ambulance is a simple thriller that's been beaten to death by director Michael Bay.  It's an overkill of style, featuring all of his trademark directing techniques such as rapid editing, weird camera angles and close ups, a lot of sweeping overhead shots, a sun flare in the background of nearly every shot, a music score that beats the emotion of the scene into your skull, and an excessive running time that clocks nearly two and a half hours, when 90 minutes would do.

I understand that these are probably the kind of things you go to a Bay movie for.  If that's what you want, you will enjoy this.  I will admit that this is probably one of his better efforts, but the constant visual style and over edited camera work (even if nothing exciting is currently happening) eventually wore me down.  This is a movie that's been given the "everything but the kitchen sink" approach, even though it didn't need it.  It checks off all the things you could ask for, and even some things you probably didn't, such as a big goofy dog for occasional comic relief.  In the middle of all of this nonsense are the talented Jake Gyllenhaal and Yahya Abdul-Mateen II, playing to the rafters so that the audience will know they're in this movie, and Eiza Gonzalez playing an EMT who is photographed like she's auditioning for a music video.

The movie is a big ball of stupid, but at least it seems to know it, and occasionally can laugh at itself.  Its premise is simple enough.  Abdul-Mateen II is Will Sharp, a war vet who is struggling to pay the bills, and needs just over $230,000 to pay for an operation that his wife needs.  We never find out exactly why or what kind of operation, as the wife is filmed constantly cradling Will's newborn baby, and telling him how proud she is that he is a "good man".  She has to emphasize this, because Will's adopted brother is Danny (Gyllenhaal), a violent career criminal.  Danny and his buddies are about to knock off a bank for $32 million, and Will unwisely gets involved.  The bank heist does not go well, and a cop (Jackson White) winds up getting involved, because he wanted to ask a teller out on a date.  The cop gets injured and is put aboard an ambulance, so Will and Danny decide to take the ambulance hostage in order to escape.

You ever see those "World's Dumbest Criminals" shows on TV?  Ambulance plays like a nearly 140 minute variation on it, only this time, Michael Bay is at the helm, and we don't have Z-List Celebrities chiming in with wise ass commentary on what's happening.  It's one big chase movie, which could be fun, except that Bay's trademark directing style was enough to make me wish things would wrap up a lot sooner than they did.  The movie tries to hold our interest with comedy relief, a gay FBI Agent who is introduced by having him attending couple's counseling with his husband, sweetly nostalgic flashbacks to when Will and Danny were kids and playing Cowboys together, and a music score that mixes a variety of "ironic" music choices ("Sailing" by Christopher Cross plays over a scene of vehicular carnage.) with patriotic-sounding drums tapping along to the action.

This is one of the few times I think I would have had more fun watching this if a different director was handling it all.  Gyllenhaal and Abdul-Mateen do what they can with the dialogue they are given, and are professionals here.  They know they're in a big, dumb movie, and seem to be enjoying it, as they should.  A lot of the stunt work and driving looks filmed on camera, which is a nice change of pace.  No, I didn't believe a minute of it, but it was nice to see actual stunt work again.  However, it's hard to truly enjoy it when the camera won't seem to hold still on an image for longer than four seconds.  Sometimes it's generous, and seems to linger on something for nearly 10 whole seconds, but this is rare, and I'm sure it pained Bay to leave these shots in the final cut.  Those precious seconds could have been used for yet another pointless aerial shot of the LA skyline for no reason, or a reaction from the big, slobbery dog who is brought on a police chase for comedic effect.

I'm sure there will be people who will read this, and think it sounds like a blast.  To them, I say go and enjoy!  Ambulance was made for you.  I may not agree with your taste, but I will never deprive anyone from having fun at the movies.  I had fun from time to time myself.  But the movie is simply too long and edited in such a manic way for me to recommend, and that's a shame.  There was potential for a fun dumb movie here, rather than just a dumb one.

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