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Sunday, September 30, 2007

The Game Plan

Taking a hard-boiled action movie star out of his element has long been a favorite premise of Hollywood. This is usually accomplished by taking said star (Clint Eastwood, Arnold Schwarzenegger, take your pick) and then teaming them up with either a cute child or animal. The Game Plan has learned its lessons well, as it teams up its star, wrestler turned actor Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, with both a cute child and an animal. What the movie has not learned is how to present any ideas or anything new to go with it. This isn't just by the book filmmaking, this is a Frankenstein's Monster built of the cliches handed down over the years. It holds not a single original thought in its empty head, and expects us to be satisfied with the same old song and dance.

As is usually the case in these kind of films, the lead character begins the film as a self-obsessed material neat freak. The Rock's character, Joe "The King" Kingman lives up to our expectations. He's the star quarterback on a fictional football team called the Boston Rebels. Because the filmmakers could not get the cooperation of the NFL, the dialogue has to constantly sidestep copywrite issues, and have the characters refer to the Super Bowl as "the championship game". A later scene has the telecasters standing directly in front of what is obviously supposed to be a Super Bowl sign, hoping we won't notice. Joe's world of fast living and material possessions is turned upside down with the arrival of an overly precocious 8-year-old girl named Peyton (Madison Pettis). She looks like the child acting agency just dropped her off at his doorstep, as her line delivery and manner of speaking are just too cute and scripted, but she claims to be Joe's daughter from a previous brief relationship with a woman almost 10 years ago. An illegitimate daughter is never a good thing for a celebrity, especially since his hard-nosed agent (Kyra Sedgwick) is trying to get him endorsement deals to help boost his career. With Peyton's mom away in Africa, Joe has to learn how to be a father for the first time in his life. She messes up his apartment, changes his television's internal computer so that it plays Disney Channel instead of the big basketball game, and puts sparkle and glitter over everything in the house. Naturally, he eventually grows to love her despite this, and learns that there's more to life than just himself.

The Game Plan is as calculated, manipulative, and sappy as any other movie I've seen this year. This is total filmmaking by numbers, where director Andy Fickman (She's the Man) and first-time screenwriters Nichole Millard and Kathryn Price obviously felt they should play completely by expectations, and not even attempt to try anything new. The movie plays by expectations, all right, but that's all it does. There's no build up or pay off, it just keeps on doing what it knows it's supposed to. We know that eventually little Peyton is going to make a mess in the bathtub when she tries to make a bubble bath, and puts too much of the liquid in. We get the required shot of Joe jumping into the overflowing bubble bath, and having him come out covered with the soapy substance head-to-foot, but it doesn't go anywhere. It expects us to laugh at the familiar and the contrived. This is a movie that knows the music but not the lyrics. Another example - Peyton is a ballerina, and starts to attend a local school. The class is taught by a lovely young woman named Monique (Roselyn Sanchez), whom Joe is instantly smitten with. He starts hanging around the class to be close to her, and sooner or later, he's being talked into dancing with the rest of the girls. This leads to the inevitable sequence where we will see him dressed in tights, and performing in front of an audience. And yet, we do not laugh, because the movie does not do anything beyond that simple idea. It's not enough to have The Rock dressed in tights and doing ballet. At least have him dance badly or something! The fact that his relationship with Monique is barely touched upon is another example. They simply get together because the movie knows they're supposed to.

For most of its overlong nearly two hour running time, the film plays up the broad, goofy humor that we expect. But then, it tries to take a switch for mawkish sentimentality in its final half hour. This leads to one of the most curious scenes in the movie. While Joe, Peyton, and Monique are eating at a restaurant, Peyton suddenly grows ill. She has a food allergy to nuts, and Joe must rush to the hospital, where we get the expected sequence of him sitting forlornly in a hospital waiting room, waiting for any news. What's odd about this moment is that it treats her allergy with the utmost seriousness. And yet, earlier in the film, it plays up Joe's food allergy to cinnamon for laughs. (He eats a cinnamon cookie that Peyton has made for him before he has to shoot a commercial, and is forced to do the commercial talking with a lisp.) What are we to make of this? Some food allergies are a crisis, while others are hilarious? This movie doesn't understand allergies, just like it doesn't understand a lot of things. Something tells me football players in their off time don't have squirt gun fights, and are probably not quite so willing to be seen playing dolls with little girls. I could be wrong, as I've never been in a professional football team's locker room. But, I think it's pretty safe to stick to my hunch. This team doesn't even seem to have a coach for most of the film, until he suddenly appears on the sidelines during the Super Bowl scene...Oops, sorry. I meant "the championship game".

There have been a lot of professional wrestlers trying their hand at movies these days, John Cena and Steve Austin being two recent examples. Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson is so far the only one who actually seems to be attempting a real acting career, instead of playing it safe. I've always found him to be surprisingly charismatic as an actor, and he's no different here. He's just trapped in an unworthy character and screenplay. He goes through the usual character arc of selfish millionaire to caring dad, but the movie gives him no motivation to do so. He does what is expected of him, and passes the test, but not much more. Young Madison Pettis makes her big screen debut after a couple years acting on various children's programs, and she doesn't quite seem ready for the big time yet. She's too calculating and perfect in her performance, almost like she's trying too hard. I'm not writing her off, as she at least shows some signs she knows what she's doing. I just think she needs to not come across so artificial in her performance. In the throwaway role of Joe's agent, talented actress Kyra Sedgwick is wasted with a one-note character who seems to exist only to lead up to a fart joke during the film's final moments. Not only can we see it coming almost an hour before it happens, but she deserves better than the payoff this movie gives her.
The Game Plan is what I like to call "a vanilla movie". It doesn't offend, but it's so plain and ordinary that you have to wonder why anyone bothered in the first place. The movie is so afraid to step out of the line of expectations, almost as if it thinks our heads will explode if it goes the slightest bit off course, or gives us something to care or (Heaven forbid) think about. How predictable is this movie? When the final scene faded out, I stayed in my seat, because I just had a feeling there was going to be a sequence with the characters singing along to the closing music during the end credits. Sure enough, as soon as the credits started to roll, there was The Rock (and eventually the entire cast and even the crew) singing along to an Elvis song.

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