College

Crude humor can often be very funny. There is nothing funny, however, about College. This is a movie that wants to be dirty, sickening, push the limits of an R-rating to the point we question where an "R" ends and "NC-17" begins, and stupid fun. It focuses so much on the first three qualities that it forgets the fourth and most important aspect. Director Deb Hagan seems more concerned with having her characters drinking booze out of a guy's ass crack (and every other part of the body you wouldn't want to drink out of) then in setting up some genuinely funny situations. Now that I think about it, the fact that this sexist and homophobic movie was directed by a woman is the funniest thing about it.

This nearly blatant Superbad rip off concerns three high school friends who are only looking for a weekend of booze, sex, and drugs when they head off for Fieldmont University. Our heroes include Kevin (former Nickelodeon star, Drake Bell), the sensitive straight-arrow who was recently dumped by his girlfriend because he's not "fun enough", overweight Carter (Andrew Caldwell), who only wants a good time, and nerdy "McLovin" wannabe Morris (Kevin Covais from American Idol). Kevin and Morris were headed to the campus for weekend visitation, and Carter decides to tag along when a friend in the school cafeteria tells them about the wild weekend he had there. They arrive at the dorm they're supposed to stay at for the weekend, but when they discover it's occupied by a porn addict with an eternal boner, they head over to a nearby fraternity instead, since Carter tells his friends that his cousin was once a legacy there. The guys of the Beta Phi fraternity house are bored, since they have no new pledges to abuse (one of their members is in a body cast after he was dropped off the balcony in a hazing ritual), so when Kevin and his friends show up, they decide to torture them for their own twisted amusement.

How misguided is the humor in College? Remember that scene I just told you about when they discover the guy living in the dorm they've been assigned to is a porn addict? He comes out the door, with something uncommonly large sticking straight out between his legs, making it look like he's hiding a sub sandwich down there. For some reason, the movie doesn't think we get the joke, so it cuts to a close up of the "bulge" in question. I guess the movie was afraid we wouldn't notice, so it helps us out. If you have to spell out your jokes, you're doing something wrong. Or how about the scene where Morris wakes up with a hangover, and discovers he's late for his meeting to apply for a scholarship? He races off to the building, not realizing that the guys of the frat house have written various obscenities on his face with a magic marker. When he arrives at the meeting, the movie can't think of anything funny to do. The college board members simply look disgusted at what is written on his face, while Morris stares blankly. I'm sure anyone reading this review could think of a better prank, as well as a funnier pay off. Or how about the cameo from pint-sized actor Verne Troyer, who portrays himself as a foul-mouthed angry drunk who apparently likes to hang out at frat parties? Having appeared in The Love Guru and now this, he now holds the honor of starring in two of the worst comedies of the summer.

The movie has a dirty mind, but that's it. It's a one trick pony shoving booze, vomit, and fecal matter in our faces for a little over 90 minutes. Actors turned screenwriters Dan Callahan and Adam Ellison pad their skeletal screenplay out with non-stop partying and gross out stunts, but never seem to reach a point. There is a romantic love interest for the guys, as well as some male bonding scenes late in the film, but they feel tacked on. It's like the movie is apologizing for everything that came before. The women who fall for the three guys (mistaking them for college freshmen, not knowing they're high school students) act either like drunken bimbos, or sensitive and smart women. It all depends on what the current scene requires. As for the performances? Drake Bell is a crashing bore in his first "adult" role, where as Andrew Caldwell as his overweight and party animal friend is strictly obnoxious. Only Kevin Covais gets to display anything resembling charm. Now all he needs is a better movie, and a role that doesn't cannibalize a character from a much better raunchy teen comedy.

College has been sitting on the shelf for a while, gone through two different distributors, and many more release dates. Now that it's out, I can safely say the wait wasn't worth it. The movie is shameless, and not in a good way. What College doesn't understand is that it's not funny when characters are intentionally offensive. They have to not be in on the joke. These are the kind of people who drink alcohol out of people's private areas because they want to, not because they're forced to, or because they find themselves in over their head. I certainly didn't need to see a movie about people like that, and I doubt there's a large audience for that kind of thing to begin with.

No Amazon info found - Sorry

0 comments