Ghosts of Girlfriends Past

More than probably any other genre, chemistry between your lead stars is vital in a romantic comedy. If we don't want the two leads to get together by the end, then why are we bothering to watch? Ghosts of Girlfriends Past makes two vital mistakes. It gives us two mismatched leads, and it doesn't make us care about them. The couple we're supposed to be rooting for here are Matthew McConaughey and Jennifer Garner. In the movie, McConaughey plays a sleazy, thoughtless womanizer, and Garner plays a sweet girl with a warm smile and the personality of cardboard. We never learn much about their relationship, or what they see in each other besides a physical attraction.

If only this was the movie's only problem. It is also charmless, witless, and doesn't hold an ounce of originality. And no, I'm not talking about the fact that the movie borrows its plot from A Christmas Carol. It's the fact that the comedic set pieces are either contrived or lamely constructed, the characters are annoying or not very interesting to start with, and there's not a single moment that's inspired or even smart. You would think since the plot is old hat and we already know what's going to happen, that screenwriters Jon Lucas and Scott Moore (Four Christmases) would try to add some wit or likable characters to grab our attention. Instead, we get McConaughey playing Connor Mead. He's the "Scrooge" of the story, and he's a sleazy and slimy ladies man who somehow manages to appeal to every woman he meets. He's a photographer for model shoots, and usually winds up in bed with one or all of the women he works with. I didn't like Connor, and despite the movie's efforts to convince me there was more to him, I didn't buy it. McConaughey tries to give the character as much laid-back charm as he can, but the character still comes across as a sleaze, even when he's supposed to have found redemption at the end of the story. (Sorry I spoiled it for those of you who never read or heard of A Christmas Carol.)

Connor goes to the mansion home of his late Uncle Wayne (Michael Douglas) to attend the wedding of his younger brother Paul (Breckin Meyer) and bride-to-be Sandra. (Lacey Chabert, giving what is easily the most shrill and obnoxious performance of 2009 so far.) We learn in flashbacks that Uncle Wayne raised Connor and Paul after their parents died in a car accident, and taught Connor everything he knows about women. Connor doesn't believe in love or relationships, and when he has a blow out during the wedding rehearsal in front of his brother and Connor's first girlfriend Jenny (Garner), the ghost of Uncle Wayne decides to pay him a visit and convince him to change his ways around women. He gets the whole "being visited by three ghosts" deal, and all of the ghosts show up as women from Conner's past. With their help, he's supposed to realize his true feelings for Jenny (whom he slept with and immediately walked away from, despite the fact he truly cares about her), and also realize that he will die alone if he doesn't change his attitude toward love.

All well and good, but Ghosts of Girlfriends Past makes a grave miscalculation with Connor by not only making him repulsive, but also boring. I never once cared about him, and the movie didn't give me reason to. We're supposed to hope that he opens his eyes and realizes his true feelings for Jenny, who was his childhood sweetheart before he became a soulless womanizer. Not only is Connor boring, but so is Jenny. Sure, she's attractive. She's played by Jennifer Garner, how can she not be? But there's just as little to her as there seems to be to Connor, and the movie glosses over their past relationship in montages, so we never get a true sense of what brought them together in the first place. The two actors also have zero chemistry together, and almost seem to be mismatched. Both actors have pulled off leads in romantic comedies before, but here they seem to be drifting because the movie gives them nothing to do.

Another mistake the movie makes is that it makes the Michael Douglas character a better example of whom the main character of this story should have been. He does a much better job than McConaughey at being sleazy yet likable, and made me think that the movie should have been about him instead. When I brought up this suggestion to a friend, they told me he's too old to bring in audiences. I say if Clint Eastwood can still pack in audiences, I see no reason why Douglas couldn't. (The fact that a sequel to Wall Street has just been announced as a go proves my point.) He knows how to make the most out of his few scenes, and comes across as the film's sole highlight. Everything else about it is lazy and uninspired. It's not just the lead characters who are sketchy and unmemorable, unfortunately, it's everyone. There's nothing for us to get involved in and care about. I also didn't laugh or even smile once, which is a sad experience when you're watching a comedy. I wanted to find something to enjoy, but the movie kept on preventing me.

Ghosts of Girlfriends Past marks a rare misstep for director Mark Waters, who has had a string of enjoyable movies including the Freaky Friday remake, Mean Girls, Just Like Heaven, and The Spiderwick Chronicles. I'm sure he'll recover, but I have to wonder what he saw here. I have no doubt that this material could have worked, but everyone went about it the wrong way. New Line Cinema is releasing this movie as an alternative to Wolverine, the summer's first big potential blockbuster. Given that the only choices most audiences will face this weekend are either a mediocre comic book movie or a misguided romantic comedy that doesn't work on any level, I'd say everybody loses.

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