Monte Carlo

Thomas Bezucha's Monte Carlo is a vapid and brainless teen fantasy about three vapid and brainless young women who go on a whirlwind luxury vacation of Paris and Monte Carlo, because one of the girls is mistaken for a British heiress. They get to see all the sights, stay in a royal hotel suite, eat a massive lobster, and fall in love. All of this happens because the script requires everyone who inhabits it to be dumber than a sack of bricks.

The movie features young Disney Channel star, Selena Gomez, who is cute and very likable, and I hope to see her in better roles when she grows into them. She plays Grace, a recent high school graduate who has been saving up for a dream vacation to Paris for years with her best friend Emma (Katie Cassidy), a woman who is supposed to be in her early 20s, but acts like the typical dumb blonde in any teen comedy. The night before they leave, Grace's mom and stepdad announce that her new stepsister, Meg (Leighton Meester, who after The Roommate and now this, should really choose her scripts more carefully), will be accompanying them on the trip, so that Grace and Meg will hopefully bond. They arrive in Paris, where things do not go well - They get stuck on a really bad tour, and they're forced to stay in a comically small hotel room. When they get separated from their tour, the girls have a chance encounter with a spoiled British heiress named Cordelia (Selena Gomez, in a dual role). Grace is instantly mistaken for Cordelia by everyone around her, and through a twist of fate, the three girls now get to live the luxurious high life, with Grace passing herself off as the heiress.

I read online that Monte Carlo was originally intended to be a star vehicle for Julia Roberts and Nicole Kidman, but they were dropped when studio heads decided they wanted the characters to be younger in order to bring in the teen girl crowd. (Though she no longer stars, Kidman is still credited as one of the producers.) This was a smart move on the part of the filmmakers, as there's no way we could ever believe adults acting as dumb as these girls do. Let's take a closer look at the main plot, and how Grace is forced to pass herself off as Cordelia. She does a terrible job of it, since the fake British accent she uses to convince people she's Cordelia constantly comes and goes. There are even entire scenes where she doesn't use it, yet nobody around her questions her - Not Cordelia's wealthy Aunt (at least not at first), and certainly not the handsome young Theo (Pierre Boulanger), whom Grace falls for, but naturally she can't let him in on the fact that she's not who she says she is. The movie twists and contorts itself through various contrived situations in order to have the mistaken identity premise work.

Of course, in order for this plot to work, everyone who enters on screen must be a total idiot, which they are. If anyone were to show the slightest bit of intelligence, the movie would be over, but instead, it pads itself out needlessly to almost two hours, which gives the supporting cast plentiful opportunities to look over the obvious, even when it is staring at them straight in the face. It's only because of the forced stupidity that the girls get to live it up in the city, and find love at the same time - Grace with Theo, Kim with an Italian tourist named Riley (Luke Bracey), and Emma with her boyfriend from back home (Cory Monteith from TV's Glee), who follows after her. As is the rule with most mistaken identity comedies, the movie climaxes with all of the characters (including both Grace and Cordelia) gathering at the same spot, and everyone becoming confused. We also get the scene where Grace finally tells the truth, her lover feels betrayed, and then there's a lot of contrived circumstances so that we can get a happy ending. By that point, any ending would have been acceptable to me.

At the very least, Monte Carlo could have worked as a travelogue film, but it fails in that regard as well. We don't get to see much of Paris or the titular city, mainly just fancy hotel rooms. And what we do get to see does not impress. A lot of this may have to do with the fact that I had just seen Woody Allen's Midnight in Paris just days before seeing this movie. Comparing the scenery in the films is no contest. As for comparing the two films themselves, well, I hesitate using them both in the same sentence. Allen's movie is thoughtful, romantic, funny, and original - all the things this film is not. Monte Carlo requires no thought in order to enjoy, and a total shut down of braincells in order to find the material remotely plausible.

I'm thinking back on my experience watching the film, and trying to remember one bright moment. As hard as I think, all that comes to mind is that the theater was nice and cool, and the soda I drank while watching it was cold. However, I could be watching any movie, and get the same effect. As a matter of fact, as I think back, there were a number of times when I found myself wishing I was watching any movie but Monte Carlo.

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