Escape Plan

How anyone could put Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger in the same movie, and have it turn out so average, is simply beyond me.  You would think Escape Plan would be an obvious slam dunk.  Take two aging action icons, known for their ridiculous films and corny one liners, put them in the same movie together, throw in a cheesy plot, and let the sparks fly.  The only ingredients listed above the filmmakers have gotten right is the cheesy plot (which the movie doesn't have as much fun with as it should), and putting the two aging acting icons together.  There's some interest in watching the stars acing along side each other (and not in a one or two scene cameo together, like in Stallone's Expendables films), but that's literally where the interest in this movie also stops.

The film's glaring problem should be visible to just about anyone who sits down and watches it - For an action movie, there's just not a lot of action here.  The filmmakers do know that the audience is here to see these actors in action, right?  So why does the movie take so long in getting to it?  We don't get to see Stallone of Schwarzenegger battle the bad guys until almost 90 minutes into the film.  Instead, we get a dialogue-heavy script that is never really bad, it just never becomes anything memorable.  Yes, you heard right, somebody has cast Stallone and Schwarzenegger in the same movie, and given them nothing to do but talk for most of its running time.  Let that sink in for a minute.  Does that seem crazy to you?  Hiring these guys to deliver dialogue makes about as much sense as hiring Christopher Walken to play someone who's not completely nuts.  There's a reason why the biggest and most successful movies featuring these two emphasized action and special effects over talking, and Escape Plan serves only to ram that point home.

Before I go much further, I should probably set up the premise.  Stallone plays Ray Breslin, a guy who makes his living as a security specialist who breaks out of prisons, so he can report on how these prisons can improve their security systems.  His partners on his team include an old flame (Amy Ryan), a computer expert (rapper 50 Cent), and a guy who seems to play no real role in the movie, yet is played by a recognizable actor (in this case, Vincent D'Onofrio), so you know he has some role in the plot, despite the movie's best efforts to make him come across as if he doesn't matter.  Naturally, Ray also has a tragic backstory, which explains why he has devoted his life to making sure prisons are completely secure.  Early in the film, Ray is given his new task to test the security at a top secret government prison hidden in a secret location where the worst of the worst are held.  Ray takes the job, which turns out to be a mistake.

From the beginning, something seems wrong.  The tracking device so that his friends back at the office can keep track of him is removed immediately by guards, and the prison warden he was told would be waiting for him is not there.  Instead, he finds the sadistic Hobbes (Jim Caviezel) in charge, and it's clear that he has it in for Ray, for some reason he keeps to himself at first.  The first glimpse we get of Hobbes' hi-tech security prison holds a lot of promise.  The whole place has a Sci-Fi feel, with guards who wear matching featureless black masks, and all the cells are made out of a clear plexiglass-like material, and seem to be suspended in mid-air and stretch on for miles.  Alas, after this intriguing first glimpse of the prison, the movie fails to deliver any more intrigue or wonder.

In prison, Ray meets up with and befriends another prisoner named Emil (Schwarzenegger), whom Hobbes also seems to enjoy torturing, mainly because his character seems to have information on a certain person that Hobbes desperately wants to track down, and he's not forthcoming with the information.  Ray and Emil team up to escape the prison, find out where they are, and who set Ray up.  The answers to all of these questions are nowhere near as interesting as we would hope.  Escape Plan ends up being so mediocre, not even the sight of these two action legends together can generate much excitement.  That's because the movie, rather than playing up to the strength of its two leads, devotes most of its time to a convoluted plot that is just not that much fun.  None of the characters get to make most of an impression, either.  My attention piqued briefly when the always interesting Sam Neil turned up, playing the medical doctor at the prison facility.  Unfortunately, the script gives him nothing to do but spew out some exposition dialogue, then disappear once his character is no longer needed.

When we finally do get to the film's big action sequence that closes the film, it is also extremely disappointing, especially considering the movie made us wait so long for it.  I know that Stallone and Schwarzenegger are not quite as young as they used to be, but surely they can do better than this.  Just like everything else that's come before it, the action's not really bad in any way, it just fails to make the slightest impression.  That's certainly not what I was expecting walking in.  I was looking forward to a fun, over the top action film starring two classic masters of the genre.  Instead, I got a long, drawn-out, tedious movie with two classic masters of the genre not really giving the material their all.  I was also very disappointed by the lack of one liners.  Given how many catchphrases these guys gave us over the years (especially Arnold), you'd really expect more.

To its credit, I will say that Escape Plan is much better than the last Stallone movie we got (the dreadful Bullet to the Head).  Unfortunately, it's not as much fun as the last Schwarzenegger movie we got roughly around the same time (The Last Stand).  All I wanted from this movie was a heavy dose of dumb fun, and the filmmakers failed to deliver on even that simple desire.

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