Grudge Match

I feel like I've seen this movie before.  Grudge Match gives us Sylvester Stallone and Robert De Niro playing variations of characters they've played before, as they tell jokes that aren't exactly fresh to start with.  Mixed in with the stale sitcom dialogue are some ineffective heart-tugging moments, and a climactic boxing match we don't have much investment in.  I have no doubt that this movie could have been fun with a different approach, but thanks to the generic screenplay, it comes across as overly safe and bland.

Stallone and De Niro play former professional boxers named Henry "Razor" Sharp and Billy "The Kid" McDonnen, respectively.  We learn that at the height of their careers, the two were bitter rivals both in and outside the ring.  But then, 30 years ago, Henry dropped out of a fight and retired over reasons he has kept to himself to this day.  These days, the two men lead very different lives, with Henry working in a steel mill, while Billy tries to hold onto his past glory with celebrity endorsement deals, while managing a bar and an auto dealer on the side.  It's about this time that a struggling boxing promoter named Dante Slate, Jr. (Kevin Hart) approaches the two men with an offer to come out of retirement and hold one final fight to settle their age-old rivalry once and for all.  Billy is immediately up to the idea, but Henry requires more motivation, and has to be talked into it by his aging former trainer Louis "Lightning" Conlon (Alan Arkin).  Also worked into the plot is an old flame of Henry's (Kim Basinger) who wants to mend their past, and a son for Billy (Jon Bernthal) that he never knew he had.

It isn't that Grudge Match is unwatchable, it's that the whole enterprise feels so lifeless.  Director Peter Segal (a veteran of many Adam Sandler comedies) shoots the whole thing at such a lethargic pace, none of the jokes ever hit.  I know the movie is supposed to be about two over the hill boxers, but keeping the energy level this low is dangerous for a movie where we're supposed to be having a great time.  Not even Stallone and De Niro seem to be having that much fun up on the screen.  That's probably because the movie not only wastes their talents, but it completely misses any opportunity for satire that's literally staring the filmmakers in the face.  With these two actors in a boxing movie together, we obviously walk in expecting some references to Rocky and Raging Bull.  And while there are a couple nods to Stallone's franchise, they're not really parodies, they're just reminders of things he used to do in those movies. 

And why couldn't this be an honest or a witty comedy about two guys coming out of retirement for one more round at each other?  The situations, jokes, and dialogue are so stilted and unnatural, we don't buy anything that happens.  All of the crises and problems that the screenplay throws at these characters feel forced and contrived.  The movie is so desperate to be a crowd pleaser, it even throws in a cute little kid for De Niro to interact with in certain scenes.  Too bad the movie forgets to give them any kind of real relationship that we can relate to.  At least this is consistent with the rest of the film, which contains not one genuine character, or remotely plausible emotional moment.  There are moments when the film feels like a 30 minute sitcom that's been squeezed and stretched into a two hour running time.

Not even the performances can help breathe life into these characters.  Stallone mumbles and shuffles his way through the film, as if he can't wait to get his paycheck so he can leave.  De Niro is basically giving one of his bad comedy performances that audiences have already started to get tired of.  Kim Basinger pretty much seems to be struggling to show the slightest bit of emotion in her scenes.  The worst offender, however, is easily Kevin Hart, who not only manages to not get any laughs, but seems to think that the louder he shrieks his lines, the funnier he is.  This is a grave miscalculation on his part, and it only made me groan a little to myself every time he showed up on screen.  Of the main cast, I guess I can say that Jon Bernthal (who can also be seen in this weekend's The Wolf of Wall Street) is at least trying, but he's fighting a losing war against a bad script.

I don't know why Grudge Match decided to play it so safe and dumb.  There's plenty of opportunity here for a fun little movie, yet it somehow manages to make every wrong move imaginable.  Not even the climactic fight scene manages to generate much thrills.  If you can put Stallone and De Niro in a ring, have them go at each other, and not create excitement, you're not doing your job right.

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