Fifty Shades of Grey

I will admit up front that I am probably not the right person to review this movie.  I have not read the bestselling novel, mainly because I am not a member of its core fanbase - bored or frustrated housewives.  I am not a bored or frustrated housewife, nor have I ever been, nor will I ever be.  Therefore, the movie did not have the effect on me that it has had on its millions of fans.  But, if you consider yourself a fan, you can take heart - This movie is probably everything you're looking for in an adaptation of the story.

It's not that I can't see the appeal of the story to those who fall into the right bracket for it.  It's lead heroine, Anastasia Steele, is essentially a personality-deprived cipher that any lonely woman can picture herself in the part.  All we're told about Anastasia in Fifty Shades of Grey is that she is a virgin, kind of awkward, a literature major, and that she leads a rather normal and sheltered life.  With these vague characteristics in place, just about any woman can pick up the book, and imagine themselves in the character's place, suddenly catching the eye of the handsome and mysterious millionaire, Christian Grey.  In the movie, Anastasia and Christian are played by Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan, respectively.  Both are actors that I can picture myself enjoying in lead roles in other movies.  In this one, since they are essentially playing ciphers to fulfill the fantasy of its audience, they're pretty much left to their own devices playing these characters whose personality traits are hardly there.

The main characters meet when Anastasia has to go Christian's sleek high-rise office building to interview him for the college newspaper.  Her best friend was supposed to interview Christian, but she came down with a convenient flu that seems to come and go in a span of five minutes, so Anastasia goes in her place.  Christian Grey is a powerful businessman, though we learn little about what he actually does all day, other than stare wistfully out his office window, and hang out with his staff, who seem to be made up entirely out of runway models.  The two have an awkward first encounter (she falls over herself the moment she walks through his office door), but for whatever reason, Christian is intrigued by this quiet and mousey woman.  We never really learn the reason behind Christian's interest, but again, I think this plays into the whole fantasy thing, and how any woman can immediately imagine herself being wooed by the wealthy, powerful and dominant Grey.

Grey starts showing up everywhere in Anastasia's life, almost like one of those villains in a mad slasher movie who can seemingly show up anywhere or anytime.  Eventually, she is intrigued by the man, and wants to know more about him.  He pushes her away, saying that he is dangerous, and that she does not belong in his world.  And yet, immediately after saying this, he buys her expensive gifts, and takes her on a luxury helicopter ride to his penthouse.  She wants to explore the possibility of a relationship, but Christian says he's not interested in that kind of stuff.  There's only one sort of thing that he is interested in, and he reveals it when he shows Anastasia a secret room that he keeps locked at all times.  He calls it his "playroom", and it's a finely furnished room where the walls are lined with S&M and bondage gear.  It almost looks like someone decided to shoot a hard porn on the set of Masterpiece Theater.  Anastasia is repelled, but not so much so that she won't stop seeing Christian, nor will she stop toying with the idea of a relationship with him.

The whole movie hinges on a simple question - Will they, or won't they?  They do have sex "like normal people" (as Christian, puts it), but he really wants to take her back to that playroom and "punish her".  He even offers her a private room in his penthouse if she will agree to a contract he has written up that basically says she will be up for any kinky or experimental thing he can think of.  The suspense is supposed to build around the fact that Anastasia is being drawn into Christian's world, and might actually agree to his demands.  But, I never really felt engaged.  The movie is supposedly severely watered down from the novel, in order to secure an R-rating instead of the forbidden NC-17.  If the novel is a kinky and graphic sexual escape, then the movie is a fairly mediocre romantic melodrama about two personality-deprived people, one of whom has a strange fetish.  I never felt aroused or fascinated in these characters, or their weird turn ons.  It came across to me as one of those movies that plays out, and then it fades from your mind almost the instant it's over.

There are supporting characters, but none of them have any consequence on the plot.  Anastasia's best friend seems to play a big part early on, but she disappears about halfway through.  There's also a male best friend for Anastasia, who clearly likes her, and seems as eager to please as a puppy.  The movie hints at a possible love triangle to develop, but it never happens, and the guy is dropped from the story after two scenes or so.  Academy Award winner Marcia Gay Harden shows up as Christian's mom, but her scenes consist of her basically complaining that her son never comes home to see her anymore.  Really, the whole movie hangs on the two leads, and while the performances don't offend, they never build the right kind of steamy chemistry that a movie like this needs.  It doesn't help that Anastasia is depicted so awkward early on that we never get a clear idea why Christian is fascinated in her in the first place.  Her mousey demeanor seems forced and self-conscious.  We can almost hear the actress mentally telling herself to appear more awkward, until she has sex with Mr. Grey, and suddenly becomes a confident woman.

Fifty Shades of Grey is a good-looking movie, thanks to a strong visual style and good lighting.  But the romance at the middle of it all is so sterile, it's hard to care.  But, if you're one of the many fans who loved the book, you'll probably enjoy this too.  Just make sure you see it at one of those specialty theaters that serve alcoholic beverages.  Something tells me a few drinks could only liven up this experience.

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