F9: The Fast Saga

I know the appeal of a movie like F9 is to just check your brain at the door, and escape into the over the top action and car-based mayhem.  But, there comes a point when a summer blockbuster asks me to check too much of my brain, and I start fighting back.  This happened early on in the film, and as it got intentionally dumber with each passing minute, I began to think that a total abandonment of any kind of coherent thought would be the only way I could take pleasure from it.

It's funny to think that the Fast and Furious franchise (or "The Fast Saga", as the movies are apparently now billing themselves) started out way back in 2001 as a simple little summer movie about illegal street racing.  I don't think anyone could have predicted that 20 years later, we'd still be watching it, and it would have morphed into something that resembles James Bond if the super spy were dreamed up by a hyperactive idiot.  The increasingly convoluted plot now makes a regular habit out of bringing characters back from the dead, shocking revelations on a routine basis, forced flashbacks and backstories for the main characters that feel like they're crammed into the narrative, and stunts so preposterous that there's no way we can believe that they are actually happening.  The characters in these movies have stopped being human, and are now as indestructible as Daffy Duck after he gets blasted by the hunter's gun, and just adjusts his beak back into its proper place.

Even judging this film as a live-action cartoon does not help, because I just did not believe a single second of this.  Not one frame is plausible, not one stunt (vehicle of human) looks like it was performed physically, and by the time the characters are literally launching themselves past Earth's orbit and firing automatic weapons at each other in broad daylight in public spaces without anyone noticing for the climax, I had long stopped caring, because I knew the movie simply didn't care either.  It just wants to throw a lot of big, stupid stuff at us.  And you know, I've been able to enjoy movies like that.  Heck, a couple years ago, this series spawned a spinoff called Hobbs and Shaw that was just as ridiculous as this, and I was able to have a lot of fun with it.  But that movie had some interesting performances and a sense of humor in order to ground itself just a little.  

This is a movie that gives us nothing but stupidity, and asks us to be entertained by it.  There is no genuine humor, no sense of fun and mischief, and not a single shred of character to be found here.  The heroes are flat, the villains are instantly forgettable, and the plot is so overstuffed that I think I stopped trying to follow it before the half hour mark of this nearly two and a half hour film.  Why is any of this thrilling?  Why are we supposed to care about these people if they apparently can't die, since they just come back to life if they do?  Where is the investment if these films have now become so impossible that there's just not a single second here that doesn't look like it was added in post production?  What do these actors even do anymore in these movies, except show up and get paid if the special effects are now doing all the work?

And there are some good actors here, even a couple amazing ones.  When you have the likes of Helen Mirren, Kurt Russell and Charlize Theron showing up in small roles, you expect them to do more than they do here.  In the middle of it all again is Vin Diesel, droning on about the importance of family in a voice that sounds just barely invested, as if he's taking a paycheck in a movie he knows is crap, but what the hey if the fans show up.  John Cena is here as Diesel's long-lost younger brother (who's never been mentioned before this), and even though he gets to drive the plot, he makes absolutely no impact without a single memorable scene, line, or character trait.  This time, everybody's after some kind of super high-tech weapon that could create a new world order.  Somehow, the movie is able to take this concept, stretch it to the breaking point, and beat it senseless to the point that not only can it not be followed, but there's no point in following it.

F9 was directed by Justin Lin.  This is his fifth time at the helm of this series.  Back in 2002, when this series had just started, he made a brilliant little independent movie called Better Luck Tomorrow.  I'm sure he's made a fortune off of these movies, more than he could have ever dreamed some 20 years ago.  But you also have to wonder if after doing these for so long if he's starting to feel like he's trapped in some kind of personal hell.  I know that's how I felt watching this.

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