47 Ronin

Already deemed a flop before it hit theaters in America, 47 Ronin seems to be Hollywood's new favorite whipping boy, the likes of which we haven't seen since The Lone Ranger stumbled across screens this past summer.  It's got an out of control budget, behind the scenes stories of massive reshoots, a muddled script that awkwardly mixes Japanese legend with out of place fantasy elements, and a lead star (Keanu Reeves) who hasn't headlined a major film since 2008, and seems to have been shoehorned into this one without much thought.  So, the movie is riding into theaters on a wave of massively bad publicity.  But is it really that terrible?

To be honest, the film is just too goofy for me to truly hate.  Oh, it's a mess, there's no doubt about that.  It's awkward, overlong, and nowhere near the spectacle that it was obviously intended to be.  But, there were a lot of moments where I found myself watching the film with a big, goofy grin on my face, or I found myself laughing - Mostly unintentionally, I must add.  This is a bad movie, but it's not a boring one.  For that, I am grateful.  This is such a gloriously silly movie, with a little more effort, it could have been a comedy.  But then, the fact that it takes itself so deadly seriously is what caused me so much pleasure in the first place.  And then, right in the middle of it all, you have Keanu Reeves, giving the wooden performance of his career.  He says very little (I think, in the two hours or so the film runs, he has maybe 10 minutes or so of dialogue total), and spends the rest of the time staring aimlessly at the camera, almost as if he doesn't know what he's doing in the film.  He displays the same amount of emotion (i.e. none whatsoever), whether he is holding his lady love close, or battling a giant CG dragon who is actually a witch in disguise.

Reeves plays a "half breed" named Kai, living in ancient Japan.  He was raised by demons, escaped for reasons that the narrative is kind of murky on, and has since been watched over by the kindly old samurai Lord Asano (Min Tanaka), although Kai is not really accepted by anyone in the village, except for the lovely young daughter of Lord Asano, Mika (Ko Shibasaki).   Tragedy strikes when Asano is disgraced and framed by the evil Lord Kira (Tadanobu Asano) during what was supposed to be a friendly visit between their two kingdoms.  The Shogun ruler of Japan orders that Asano take his own life so that he can die with honor, and Kira ends up getting not only the entire city, but also the hand of Mika in marriage.  All of this was due to the efforts of a shape-shifting witch (Rinko Kikuchi) whom Kira employed to carry out his devious deed.

With Asano gone, his samurai now have no one to serve, and are scattered across the countryside as Ronin, warriors without a home or a master.  The leader of Asano's former samurai, Oishi (Hiroyuki Sanada) vows vengeance, and gathers up whatever men and weapons he can in order to bring down Kira's rule.  One of the men he tracks down happens to be Kai, who after being sold into slavery shortly after Asano's death, is now forced to fight in a pit with a giant CG monster who looks like a rejected design from the Lord of the Rings trilogy.  And no, we get no explanation as to what this creature is, or why it exists in this historical epic.  Kai and Oishi team up, along with their followers, and begin a journey that really isn't all that grand in the slightest, but is lifted up by some spectacularly goofy moments, such as the scene where the evil witch (who has hair like Medusa, and can manipulate it to do her bidding) tries to force feed the frightened Mika by having her snake-like hair pick up pieces of food and place it before her mouth.

It's a miracle that 47 Ronin manages to come across so sullen and serious when it has moments like the one I just described above that cry out to be over the top and ridiculous.  It has all the earmarks of a troubled production, especially the bizarre tone that never quite settles on a consistent mood.  Sometimes the movie seems to want to be taken as seriously as a Japanese art house film, while in others, a giant CG monster will suddenly come out and attack our heroes with no explanation as to what it is, or what it has to do with the story.  There have been reports that the film was severely tampered with during production, and that nobody really knew if they were shooting a serious Japanese-style epic of the famous legend that inspired the film, or a big budget CG spectacular.  The final film on display shows that a decision was never reached, so the filmmakers obviously decided to split the difference with hilariously disastrous results.

If I were a better critic, I would be recommending 47 Ronin, just for the sheer fact its probably the silliest epic we're likely to get in a long time.  However, I can only recommend this to a certain audience, and that would be to the crowd who like to talk back to inept films, Mystery Science Theater 3000-style.  With the right crowd and circumstances, I can almost see how this movie could be a blast.  But in a regular theater setting, you're just going to have to sit there and stifle your laughter, which just isn't that much fun.

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