Snake Eyes: G.I. Joe Origins

Snake Eyes: G.I. Joe Origins is a solemn movie that takes itself way too seriously, based on a kid's cartoon from the 80s that was designed to sell toys.  I wonder if anyone at any point of production realized this, and maybe thought, "Gee, shouldn't we be having more fun with this"?  When you're building your movie around an ancient clan of ninjas whose purpose is to protect an ancient stone that holds the power of the sun, you shouldn't be afraid to cut loose a little.

For whatever reason, director Robert Schwentke and his team of writers have decided to treat this live action movie of a toy license as if it's serious business.  It's muted, kind of downbeat, and features a lot of tortured characters who feel hurt and betrayed.  Even when the movie forces itself to add absurdity into its storyline by having its lead ninja have to pass a trial where he must face a group of massive CG anacondas at the bottom of a pit, it still seems afraid to truly have fun with itself.  There were two previous G.I. Joe movies back in 2009 and 2013, respectively, and while they weren't exactly good, they at least had the sense to not take themselves seriously.  If the filmmakers behind this thought that audiences did not respond well to those earlier entries because they were goofy, they are sorely mistaken.

The focus here is on the ninja Snake Eyes, who in the cartoon and the earlier live action movies never spoke, and always hid his appearance behind a black mask and body armor.  This time, he is portrayed by Henry Golding, a charismatic actor who cannily hides the charisma and charm he has displayed in the past in this role.  We learn right off the bat that as a boy, he witnessed his beloved father get murdered by a criminal who attacked them for reasons he has never understood.  Since then, he has devoted his life to vengeance, trying to track down that mysterious man, and to learn the truth about what his father was hiding from him.  This path to vengeance leads Snake Eyes to working for the Yakuza, where he eventually ends up saving the life of a ninja named Tommy (Andrew Koji), who will become his best friend, brother figure, and eventually end up becoming his main rival from the cartoon and toy line, Storm Shadow.

But before that, Tommy welcomes Snake Eyes into his secret ninja clan, who have protected Japan from criminals for centuries, and hang out on a set that looks like a combination of every 1980s movie built around ninjas ever made.  First, he must win the trust of the clan, which includes the lovely and strong Akiko (Haruka Abe), the noble Hard Master (Iko Uwais), and the wise Blind Master (Peter Mensah).  To do this, Snake Eyes will have to complete three trials, which include not letting a bowl of water spill under certain conditions, and being guided by an entity that looks like a cross between a firefly and Tinkerbell into a dark forest to face his deepest fear about himself.  I've already spoken about the third trial, which is the pit with the massive cartoon snakes waiting for him.  All of this should be a lot of fun, and leave me with a goofy grin on my face while I reflect back on its plot.  But, I'm afraid this is supposed to be taken with the utmost seriousness.

Snake Eyes is a total miscalculation of tone.  It not only acts like we're supposed to actually care about what's happening, but it has its actors pretend like they do as well.  There is just this overall sense of gloom to its storytelling.  Everybody's so heartbroken, feels betrayed, or feels angry and unfulfilled.  It got to the point where I was begging for someone to at least make a quip to lighten the mood once in a while.  As someone who grew up on the toys and cartoon, my spirits did lift a little when it seemed like they were going to work in a pair of other characters from the G.I. Joe Universe, namely the heroic Scarlett (Samara Weaving) and the evil Baroness ( Úrsula Corberó), into the plot.  My hope was that maybe they could lighten the tone.  And while they at least aren't as solemn as everyone else seems to be, they don't add enough to save the film.

Not only is this movie just not fun to watch, it's badly shot as well, featuring fight scenes that are almost indescribable due to the camera's constant and violent shaking in the heat of battle.  This allows us to miss out on most of the fight choreography, so all we get to focus on is just how oddly downbeat and depressed the movie is.  When you consider what a fun little bit of Summer escapism this could have been, it makes Snake Eyes feel like even more of a cop out.

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